When I was a young man I didn’t understand the nuances
of relationships. Really, I was pretty
clueless. Over the years I made a lot of
mistakes and got a lot of advice, some good and some bad. Despite all this well-intended advice I was somehow
able to meet the love of my life, and she has stuck with me for an amazing 35 years of trial-and-error. Now that I am
older (much older) I’d like to think that I’ve learned a thing or two about the
games people play.
Which is what makes it so hard when you see your
teenage and 20-something children struggling with relationship issues.
Over the last several years I’ve watched my sons
riding high on the wave of romance, a dance in their step, a wink in their eye,
and a joy for life, all because a new girl has appeared in their life. But in contrast to this I’ve watched in agony
as they struggle through breakups. It is
painful for them and painful for me.
What I really wish is that they would just let me run their life; tell
them what to do. That would solve
everything, wouldn’t it? I could just
use my great experience from a lifetime of relationship struggles to offer some
guidance and straighten things out.
But it doesn’t work that way. It seems that every
generation has to work this out on their own.
To paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., is it necessary that darkness
exist, just to demonstrate the beauty of light?
Perhaps we have to experience the pain of the breakup before we can fully
enjoy the delight of commitment.
So here’s to all young people everywhere who are
struggling with relationships, and to their parents who care enough to try and
offer their advice. May we learn to
listen to each other.
________________________
I am interested in your thoughts. What advice would YOU give? Reply at dadoonad@gmail.com
Duane Highley is the father of four older
children, ages 18 to 29, two of whom are now happily married. He and his wife
Lisa reside in Little Rock, Arkansas.
