Children are born, and from that moment on they begin the process of
separation from their parents.
The first big step is Kindergarten.
Putting your child on the bus, watching it drive away, and breaking down
in tears on the curb. Yes, even the dads
cry over this one. How will they ever
get along without me? They can’t tie their shoes yet! We can’t talk to them all
day!
Then follow a number of incremental separations, overnight trips,
school activities, vacations with friends, mission trips, and we gradually
learn to accept they have their own little lives.
But the next hardest separation, and maybe the very hardest one short
of death, is leaving home for college, or just moving out after high school.
They have lived with you, or should I say lived off of you, for almost
20 years, every day, sharing each and every turn in their lives, whether they
wanted you to or not. And as a parent,
you’ve gotten pretty used to giving instructions and advice. “Did you sign up to take the ACT? What time will you be home? You need to practice your piano before you
watch TV.” Probably by the end of high
school most of this advice goes unheeded, but you give it nevertheless.
At last, there is that moment when they are really, really leaving
home. The vehicle is packed with what
they consider their most precious items (underwear, Bible, cell phone charger
and guitar). What they don’t know, and
you may not yet realize either, is that they will probably never return, at
least not in the same circumstances, and your relationship will never, ever,
ever be the same again. Gulp.
My wife and I have now experienced this joyful pain three times, and
it has not become any easier. It’s just
so hard to say goodbye to your son or daughter, especially when they don’t
truly appreciate the significance of the moment. You know, but they don’t really know they are
moving on to the next defining stage of their lives.
As they enter this stage, try to provide mature adults in their lives that
they can consult on life choices. People
like youth leaders, uncles, and even your friends. They may not listen to you at this
stage, but they will listen at least a little to other adults. You might have to “accidentally” arrange
these encounters, and also be willing reciprocate by having lunch with your
best friend’s daughter to encourage her in choosing a college major.
So, prepare for the day, gird yourself, and bravely stand on the porch,
waving to your loved son or daughter, wishing them well, letting them load up
the car and drive away. And make sure
you have a box of tissues close by.
You’re going to need them. Then,
keep praying. Growing up is not easy,
but God has a better plan for them and it probably does not include them living
with you until they are 40.
Fare thee well, my son, until we meet again, and oh yeah, return the
garage door opener please!
I am interested in your thoughts.
What advice would YOU give? Reply
at dadoonad@gmail.com Email me if you
want to share your stories about children leaving home. We could gather them all into a future
article.
Duane
Highley is the father of four older children who have been through a number of
transitions. He and his wife Lisa reside
in Little Rock, Arkansas.
