Using Spare Change to Teach a Child Life Lessons about Saving

I have endeavored to provide financial lessons for my six-year-old by giving her control over her money. I made the decision several years ago to allow her to keep any loose change around the house. There is one catch, she must keep track of how much money is in her “account," a shiny pink ceramic bear coin bank. Every time she adds the money into her bank, she counts it and adds to the total. I have her simply keep a sheet of paper and mark out the old total after adding the new one.

Next to her coin bank is a list of some of her favorite treats: ICEE, ring pop, ice cream cone, etc. Along with the list of treats is a savings goal. At six, it is funny what a child wants to save money for. My daughter once wanted to save up twenty dollars to get a twenty dollar bill (I just went with the flow on that one). Sometimes she holds some money back for one of her treats.  The important point is that she understands the value of the coins and she can comprehend how that translates into choosing how to spend.

It is amazing how a goal as simple as saving money can motivate even the youngest among us. There is a very small chance that loose coins in my household will not be gobbled up by this savvy six year old saver. Give a young saver the idea of what a quarter is worth in the world of “fun dip and tootsie rolls” and see what you can accomplish for 50 cents.

I strive to make it a learning experience when shopping for toys, treats, clothes, and the things that my daughter can pick out. At other times I may create a spending limit based on a gift card or cash amount which forces her to be conscientious of the trade offs or cost. 

There is a specific way I handle a situation when I know she will see an item she absolutely has to have. Before going inside, I give her some change and let her know she can spend it. I remind her that she can choose to spend it or save it, but it is her decision.

This is how I teach my young girl the value of money. I find that this approach is fun and exciting to her and plants a seed for how to handle money and save wisely. 

Kevin Stokes is the proud father a 6 year old who enjoys fishing and spending time with her grandparents. He is the president of Stokes Financial Strategies, LLC., a financial firm in Springfield MO. For 12 years, Kevin has given financial advise for over 400 client households. For a follow-up comment, Kevin can be reached at kevin@stokesfinancialstrategies.com

The Three Lessons to Winning with Money for Kids

My wife and I teach our kids to do three things with money. We created three money containers for both of our girls that say – GIVE, SAVE, and SPEND.  We feel the three lessons below are the foundation of building wealth and being successful with money from the start. We often ask our girls (ages 3 & 5) what we do with money and it brings us so much joy that they understand these three lessons.   

Lesson #1 – Always GIVE 1^st. We teach our kids to give a portion of what we make to God first. This lesson is top priority in our family because He is the reason we have money, a house, and all the things in our house. This is the lesson that we feel is most important to teach our kids so they become generous givers and to understand that God owns it all. If we are to be good Stewards (managers) of His money, we can’t keep it all to ourselves.  

Lesson #2 – Always SAVE 2^nd. We teach our kids to always save for a rainy day and the things we want to purchase. We created the saving chain. Each link of the chain represents a large amount of money ($1,000) we save up each month using our zero based monthly budget numbers. The last day of each month we let the kids cut off the links and we explain to them why we save.  We want our kids to experience the process of saving for large purchases (vehicles, vacations, or future home). We are teaching our kids the sinking fund approach to saving.

Lesson #3 – SPEND $$ on the things you NEED first before WANTS.  This is a difficult lesson to follow not only for kids but also adults. I struggle with this lesson because I confuse wants vs. needs.  I don’t really NEED a new golf club. I ask my kids if they really NEED that toy.  The toy will still be there when they come back. If we can get our kids to think long and hard before spending the money they save, they will make better choices instead of impulse buying.   

  

More is Caught than Taught

Our family is far from perfect.  We try our best to teach our kids through example. Kids watch everything we do as parents and they won’t take us serious if we don’t practice what we preach. This is one of the reasons why we serve at our church and lead Dave Ramsey’s financial classes that teach these important lessons.  We encourage you to keep it simple and follow these basic principles with your kids so your entire family can win with money.  

Sean Saunders is the father of two lovely daughters who keep him loving and growing as a dad. He is also the husband of Jessica and an avid a golf and fitness instructor in Springfield, Missouri.

Do I Get a Quarter for That?

"Do I get a quarter for that?"  

It is a question I hear often, and it is totally a problem of my own making. Perhaps you've heard it said, "Even an atheist finds God in the trenches." In a similar fashion, I have a firm belief that even the most well meaning and knowledgeable parents discover the power of behavioral theory when raising toddlers. Behaviorism can be boiled down to providing a tangible reward for a specific task. In order for it to remain a powerful motivator, the rewards need to continue coming to maintain their effectiveness. Intermittent reinforcement is the most powerful, meaning if it works at least some of the time (screaming, crying, begging), you're likely to see more of it. Most of the time, it probably shouldn't be our first choice as parents, but there are times when I tend to go there anyway.

 

This presents an interesting challenge for me as a dad. One of the most common ways to motivate your kids is to reward them for doing something they otherwise have very little interest doing. In our house, I sometimes resort to quarters.  We have given the boys chores to do, and up to a point they just did them with a healthy combination of over-reminding and cajoling from us. Unfortunately, over time that does lose its luster, especially when they've become highly skilled at ignoring me or their mother and show much greater interest in doing anything but doing what we've ask.  

Enter the quarter. Our boys are assigned to feed the dogs when they get up in the morning. Our four-legged, family friends don't care if it's 4:00 a.m. or 4:30 a.m., if you are the first one up, it is your job to feed them. Failure to do so will result in them annoying everybody who takes breath, even if those older persons are still sleeping.  

 

After 10,000 reminders, I just decided that I was going to pay two quarters for each of the three jobs that were completed daily--two for each bowl and two for being the scooper of dog waste in the backyard.  Initially each boy resigned himself to his job (bowls for the twins, and scooper for the big one), but quickly even the quarters lost their motivation until one of the twins figured out if you get up before everybody else and complete all three jobs you got six quarters. That kid is going to make a great entrepreneur some day.

We have three very different types of earners in this house.  The saver, the spendthrift, and the communist.  The saver, is the child who will always look for additional jobs around the house to earn some extra cash, which he then puts in his bank, and doesn't spend.  The spendthrift only tries to earn money when there is something that he wants . . . like right now.  He would do anything for about an hour in an attempt to earn that new bike or another set of Legos.  (He is the one who will pick up buckets of dog poop, if you post a picture of that elusive Lego set on the window).  Finally, we have the communist. He doesn't particularly care about earning anything, figuring he has more than enough toys to keep himself happy for a long time and the extra work probably just isn't worth whatever he would get.

 

Why do I bring this up?  When it comes to financial education for kids, you have to remember one size isn't going to fit all.  Kids need to be given choices how to earn, and distribute their wealth. And, as is true for many kids, this will likely go in cycles. 

I expect that at some point even the spendthrift is going to save his pennies to earn something. The important thing is to keep giving your kids options to learn and make mistakes.  Since saving is so important, I have worked out a deal for the boys where if they choose to put a quarter into the saving side of their bank, I will also match it with another quarter.  The savings can only be opened once a year, so there is no instant reward for taking the additional quarter. Even now they have started to pick that option more often particularly as their understanding of value has increased.

My boys still have many lessons to learn about money. Thankfully, they're young so Mrs. B and I still have plenty of time to teach them as we continue to learn and grow ourselves.

Breaking Up

When I was a young man I didn’t understand the nuances of relationships.  Really, I was pretty clueless.  Over the years I made a lot of mistakes and got a lot of advice, some good and some bad.  Despite all this well-intended advice I was somehow able to meet the love of my life, and she has stuck with me for an amazing 35 years of trial-and-error.  Now that I am older (much older) I’d like to think that I’ve learned a thing or two about the games people play.

Which is what makes it so hard when you see your teenage and 20-something children struggling with relationship issues.

Over the last several years I’ve watched my sons riding high on the wave of romance, a dance in their step, a wink in their eye, and a joy for life, all because a new girl has appeared in their life.  But in contrast to this I’ve watched in agony as they struggle through breakups.  It is painful for them and painful for me.  What I really wish is that they would just let me run their life; tell them what to do.  That would solve everything, wouldn’t it?  I could just use my great experience from a lifetime of relationship struggles to offer some guidance and straighten things out.

But it doesn’t work that way. It seems that every generation has to work this out on their own.  To paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., is it necessary that darkness exist, just to demonstrate the beauty of light?  Perhaps we have to experience the pain of the breakup before we can fully enjoy the delight of commitment. 

So here’s to all young people everywhere who are struggling with relationships, and to their parents who care enough to try and offer their advice.  May we learn to listen to each other.

________________________

I am interested in your thoughts.  What advice would YOU give?  Reply at dadoonad@gmail.com

Duane Highley is the father of four older children, ages 18 to 29, two of whom are now happily married.  He and his wife Lisa reside in Little Rock, Arkansas.

The Power of "No"

Over the holiday break from work, I took the opportunity to do some left-over items on my honey-do list. Of course, these items always involve buying hardware or tools. It’s an unwritten rule of nature. Right, guys?

As I was walking into one store, I saw two women, whom I assumed to be mother and daughter, and a 2- to 3-year-old get out of their car and head in as well. The young mother seemed to be in a foul mood, and was griping at the child. As we reached the doors, the child said something I didn’t understand. His mother stopped, bent over and proceeded to give the toddler a lecture. The gist of it was “No. There will be no talking. You will sit in the cart. You will not move. You will not talk.”

He didn’t cry. He didn’t fight. And he never made eye contact as he uttered his is soft-spoken response, “Yes, ma’am.”

I was completely nonplussed. It almost brought me to tears – probably because he reminded me very much of my own 3-year-old. Days later, I was still affected by it, wondering about that child.

The boy was in clean clothes, with no holes. He was appropriately dressed for the weather. And he was polite in his response. This mother seemed to take care of his physical needs. But he was basically being told, “Don’t remind me that you’re here.”

Now, I have to admit that I have no knowledge of what transpired prior to what I witnessed; there may have been reasonable cause for the lecture. I know that we’ve gotten out of a car mid-lecture, and continued it as we entered a store or restaurant. It happens.

But, given the demeanor of the mom and her child, it seemed to me that he was getting a lecture because his mom was having a bad day and didn’t want to deal with him being a kid. Perhaps she was already frustrated before he asked one-too-many questions in the car on the way to the store. Anyone with kids has been there.

Unfortunately, some kids get this kind of lecture all the time. And it pains me to think of this little boy who appears to want for nothing physically, but who can’t even behave like a kid without it upsetting his mom. What lesson is he learning?

Now, I’m not, in any way, suggesting that parents should just let kids do what they want. It’s our job and responsibility to guide our kids with appropriate “no” and “yes” responses. And parents who refuse to say “no” aren’t doing their kids any favors either.

But finding the middle ground is hard. It’s a constant effort to balance the noes with appropriate yeses, to guide behavior and not stifle creativity. What I witnessed on that afternoon has me questioning the messages I’m sending my kids.

And I hope they know that, not only do I want them to be taken care of physically, but also that I want them around and enjoy their company.
After all, one day I’m going to be paying college tuition and missing those little annoyances that come with having kids at home.

Derek Gwinn is the father of three living in Siloam Springs, Arkansas. He can be reached at dgwinn@jbu.edu.

Who is Going to Dress Me?

I struggled out of bed this morning only to discover I should have already been leaving for work. In between the 1 AM feeding, the 4 AM feeding, and “The Boy” waking up at 5:30 AM and screaming for "Dada" like somebody had lit his polyester pajamas with feet on fire, the alarm got turned off. I am not a morning person to start with, but I am REALLY not a morning person when I am running late. I shot out of bed, showered, deodorized and dressed in record time. I made an English muffin and bowl of cereal to consume on the drive to work and rushed out the door. I was lucky to remember to grab my lunch.  Unfortunately, I didn't realize I had forgotten the coffee I was bringing for everybody in the office until I was about to get on the toll-road. Showing up without coffee on a morning like this wasn't an option, so I turned around and returned home to grab it, thereby making me even later.

The day unfolded in a fairly typical fashion, so it wasn't until I was using the restroom after lunch that I recognized something strange. Looking down at my pants, I noticed the tag on my boxers was on the front. "That is strange,” I thought. When I looked closer, I realized having the tag at the front of your boxers means you are an idiot, and don't know how to put your clothes on properly. Apparently, I am so brain dead at the moment that I don't even know how to put on a pair of underwear. Even worse, I didn’t  notice for over six hours that my skivvies are back side front. I would like to think that had I been wearing the thong Mrs. B got me for Christmas, I would have been able to tell the difference . . . but at this point I am not sure that I could.

Longshot
In the last couple of nights we have had fairly good luck with the Twin-i-kins sleeping for sizable chunks of time (3-4 hours). The Boy started sleeping through the night at about six weeks, so here is to hoping the twins get there soon. Mrs. B has been getting up with them during the work week, but on the weekend, we work together. In the wee hours of the weekend, I have had time to formulate my new theory on getting a baby, let alone two of them, to sleep through the night.
Having one baby is initially very difficult, but you eventually get that kid to sleep through the night. With two adults on duty it is actually pretty easy to get a solid chunk of sleep from time to time. If you will excuse the basketball reference, it is kind of like being a #1 or #2 cede in the NCAA tourney. There is enough talent that you can pretty much handle anything that is thrown at you and come out on the other side fairly well rested. You may have bad night personally, but there is always another all-star ready to step in and share the load.

Having twins is a completely different story. You are no longer the favorite to win night in and night out. Heading into our nightly routine, I have the feeling that we are more like the #16 or #15 cede. We can go out and hit all our shots and still not get much sleep. In order for my team to win (solid chunk of sleep), we need to have our best game and a hefty amount of luck, and even when that happens you most likely still aren't going to "win.”  This is made harder by the fact that we know success in the past.

I know that very soon the twins are going to grow out of this phase and start sleeping larger chunks of time, but during this period of sleep deprivation, I can't seem to focus on when that will start happening. Thankfully, I have the most awesome friend and partner to share the load. Or, perhaps more accurately, I help her share the load, because she does so much.

Minor Baker is sleep-deprived once again with the addition of a new daughter to make him the father of four. When he's not changing diapers or catching a catnap, he can be reached at minorbaker@gmail.com.

Letting Go of the Wheel

“OK, honey, you’re going to run into the stairs . . . Stop!”

“Go ahead; straighten yourself out and let’s back out of the driveway. . . . No, turn the wheel to the right.  No I mean to the left.  Ok you’re going to scrape this side of the car on the gate . . .”

Yeah, my 15-year-old daughter just got her driver’s permit. 

I really didn’t think much about it when I handed her the keys at the DMV and told her to drive home.  Hey, she’s been watching me drive forever and she had to have learned something from playing Midtown Madness on the computer, right? 

Then again maybe that wasn’t such a good thing.  She’s been driving now for a couple of weeks and she’s doing just great except for the occasional loss of consciousness when she just kind of forgets that she has an actual destination.  As I sit in the passenger seat and try to refrain from barking “GO” whenever the light changes (because that kind of freaks her out) I’m starting to think that driving is my “instrument.” 

I live in a household of musicians. Their instruments are musical, mine is vehicular.  So I can empathize with my wife who endures piano students who struggle to get the rhythm of a piece down as I try to not be too bothered as my daughter randomly speeds up and slows down and doesn’t brake or accelerate the way I would.  I then realize that she has only been driving for a couple of weeks, like a grand total of less than 100 miles. Yeah, she’s going to be fine. 

 

I also start to think that the issue isn’t so much her driving, but my not having control of my vehicle.  I’m not all that crazy about not being in control. Especially when I’m not completely comfortable with who is literally behind the wheel.  I have two options, either I just not let her drive and drive myself, or I can make the effort to help her get better so that I am comfortable riding with her.  Ultimately, I think that’s what being a parent of a teenager is about, helping them get to the point where you are comfortable giving them the control that you previously only trusted to yourself.  Giving up control, helping them gain independence ultimately means freedom for us both.  That being said, I’m glad she won’t be able to drive without me until September.

Both of Darren Sombke's daughters are driving now. He can be reached for comment at darrensombke@aol.com