Following in Great Footsteps--Springfield Father, Mark Walker

Mark Walker is the oldest of four children. He is also the President and CEO of TransLand, the Springfield-based trucking business founded by his parents in 1982. Today TransLand has a fleet of 170 trucks and more than 200 employees. Prior to returning to Springfield, Mark used his leadership skills in a variety of ways. This includes five years of international leadership of corporate social responsibility, corporate philanthropy, and employee engagement functions. He served as Managing Director of Global Community Affairs at Applied Materials and Executive Director of the Applied Materials Foundation, headquartered in Santa Clara, Calif. He also served as President and Chief Executive Officer of United Way Silicon Valley, San Jose, California for six years.

He credits most of what he knows and does as a leader and father to “amazing role models,” his parents. You might think people who own their own business would have time for little else, but Mark claims “whenever my parents saw leadership roles, they embraced them.” This included everything from Cub Scouts, their church and community life in general. Even today, when he has assumed the primary leadership role for TransLand, he credits them with being “super” or “uber” parents. From them, he says, he learned the importance of being a calm leader in the workplace. He also considers “calm leadership” to be indispensable at home.

Mark is married to Mary, his wife of 37 years. Together they have three adult children and one grandson. Andrew and Jessica are the parents of their one-year-old grandson. Andrew works with Mark in the family business. Patrick, their youngest son, is newly married and living in Phoenix, Arizona. Catherine, their daughter, resides in San Jose, California.

Mark maintains he is “one serious guy” and attributes the role of keeping laughter in the family to his wife. All the same, Mark believes it is important to laugh at one’s self and play as a family. Over the year, this is something he has tried to do by spending some quality time with each child individually.

When asked what he would suggest to other dads, Mark encouraged the following:

1.  Leave your work at work. When you get home, do your best to be truly present for your family

2.  Let go of the “electronic leash,” i.e., your phone, and be a good listener to what your loved ones say.

3.  Carve out time to be with your wife and kids.

4.  Do one-on-one things with your kids. Make sure they have opportunities to have your full attention.

Different Kids, Different Discipline -- Nixa Father of Three -- Herb Cody

On April 24, 2010, I became a husband and father of two. I went from bachelorhood to fatherhood almost instantly. I soon learned each child had their own personality and each responded quite differently when it came to discipline. Soon after our marriage, Emily and I added our 3rd child, a boy, who was born in February 2011. 

Today, our oldest, Leah, is 14 and in 8th grade.  She is smart, beautiful, athletic, has a fantastic singing voice and is also creative and artistic. She can either be my best friend or Satan, depending on the day and her mood. I learned early on that she was stubborn and very independent. “High volume” parenting never worked with her. If I were to yell at Leah for something she had done wrong, she would just stare at me as if I were a complete fool, with that “whatever” look. I think this is one of the reasons why we have a great relationship now that she is a teenager. From age six to 14, we’ve had a lot of “talks” and many tears. Just the other day, I posted a quote on my FB page after one of our talks. It stated, “The sweet spot of parenting is somewhere between giving high-fives, and giving them the middle finger behind their backs.” I’m hoping I can survive the next four years dealing with a teenaged daughter. 

Our middle child, Alex, just turned 13 last week. He is, as most boys his age are, still very immature. Alex was five when my wife and I got married. It took several years for us to realize he has ADHD. There were definitely times when the boy tested my patience. Anyone who knows me would tell you I’m a pretty calm and an even-keeled guy, but I found myself yelling at him constantly. I would try to use the same methods as I did with our daughter, but they would not work. Once we got him medicated for his ADHD, it certainly helped. To this day, I find myself getting annoyed quicker and yelling at him. This seems to be the only way to get his attention and make him understand I’m serious. Alex is intelligent, funny, respectful and caring, but I’m constantly searching for ways to motivate him when it comes to cleaning his room, doing chores or schoolwork. I’m praying for a drastic uptick in maturity with Alex so the gray hair sightings will slow down. 

Our youngest, Herbie, will be seven in February. He is so sweet, kind-hearted and quite sensitive. If I were to yell at him for any wrong-doing, he would completely break down into a ball of tears. I would have to spend way too much time, trying to comfort, console, and building him back up, just to discipline him for his poor decision. Herbie likes to take advantage of his ability to tune me out. I know he can hear me; he just doesn’t like to listen to me. I have to get in his face and make sure we are eye-t-eye, in order to get through to him. This, by the way, is something I’ve also tried with Alex. It has resulted in him laughing in my face. 

Regardless of our issues and my parenting fails, these three kids are the reason I get up each morning. Really, really, early, each morning........each and every freaking single morning!

Herb Cody is a husband and father of three. He is a part-time Uber driver and full-time caregiver for his spouse, who suffered a traumatic brain injury after an auto accident November 2015. Herb loves football and is a St Louis Cardinals fanatic. He and his family live in Nixa MO. Herb can be reached for questions or comments at herbie05@yahoo.com

You can check out Herb's own blog at www.thecodylife.weebly.com

Building a Stable "Father" Foundation -- Derick Barnes, Mt. Vernon, MO

Although you might not think about the Business Agent for Heavy Construction Laborers to have a very soft spot in his heart for his wife and family, if you’re thinking of Derick Barnes, you’d be wrong. Derick describes himself as having a “lifetime of construction,” the last 13 of which have been spent with Heavy Construction Laborers 663. He is also married, and the proud father of three adult children and two grandchildren. In addition to his job, Derick has served as a youth pastor and is actively engaged in a small group of men.

Derick's parents divorced when he was seven, which really threw him into a tailspin. He began getting into a lot of trouble when his dad moved out of the home.

Derick reports, "I became too much to handle for my mom and I put her through hell, but she was always there for me and prayed for me. I was thrown out of school when I was in first grade and had to attend another school instead. During fifth grade, I was arrested for stealing money from the Jerry Lewis Fund. I got into a lot of trouble including drugs use and alcohol.”

It was during this period that Derick was sent from his mother’s home to his father’s. Many people struggle to overcome a difficult childhood, but Derick found help and hope in his faith community. When asked how he learned to be a dad, he states that “without a doubt, my biggest influence was our church,” and then identified some couples who were critical to his development.

Perhaps it is his background in construction that causes Derick to describe himself as a “fixer.” That role, he claims, is a stressful one. Early in his parenting, he found himself feeling overwhelmed because he could not “fix” everything for his wife and kids. It was during this period he discovered that high-volume parenting really didn’t work very well at home or in the workplace.

“I learned,” he said, “to whisper criticism and shout praise," but almost too late. Derick says he found this guiding principle to be especially important as he learned to coach his daughter’s softball team. In that context and in many others, he found it key to be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Just knowing what to do doesn’t mean one will also do it. Derick stresses the importance of saying, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” when you fail. He says that meeting with a small group of men on a regular basis helps him to examine himself and admit his mistakes. Now that his children are grown, Derick says one of the best things is having them, in addition to his wife, all as best friends. He really enjoys having them nearby, even when some of them get their heads together to surprise him in a scary way. One such incident involved his wife and daughter handing him what he thought was a box of cookies that actually contained a dead black snake, knowing he hates snakes.

“That snake was dead,” he explained, “but it bit me three times before I got out of the chair.” All the same, he sees the trick as all in good fun and looks forward to other adventures with his family.

When asked what he would like to share with other dads, Derick identified six things:

1) Don’t be afraid to fail. The important thing is to try.

2)  Be in a men’s group. We all blow it. We need to hear and learn from others.

3)  Lead by example.

4)  Be consistent. Your family and your coworkers should know what to expect from you.

5)  Apologize when necessary and ask for forgiveness.

6)  Be there for your kids—whatever their activities may be.

Encouraging the Joy of Giving -- Springfield Dad, Kevin Weaver

Mark Twain once said, “To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.” I’m guessing Mark Twain never had three sons under the age of five.

Ah, Christmas and the American child. This season is such a mixed bag of emotions and life lessons to be learned. For twelve months of the year, we strive to teach our children that it truly is better to give than to receive, but then we come to “the most wonderful time of the year,” and the wheels on the bus of service and self-sacrifice come to a screeching stop.

It’s easy to blame the savvy marketing of large toy companies, and the endless barrage of commercials touting the wonders of the latest, hot-selling toy. But, charity really does begin at home. And beyond that, teaching our children the joy of giving begins there, as well. If the idea of our modeling the behaviors we want from our children sounds like an overused premise, so be it. What our sons and daughters see us do impact them more than we could ever know. What do they see in us when it comes to giving? Is there joy? Or, do we begrudgingly give?

Whether you are a church-goer, who believes in tithings and offerings, or a community-minded person, giving annually to your charity of choice, how happy are you about it? Do your children see you smiling as you drop the check in the plate or the coins in the Salvation Army pot? Or, do they hear you grumbling about parting with your money, or the fact that you only give for a tax write-off?

Of course, when speaking of giving, we tend to think primarily of money. But, there are so many ways for us to give and just as many ways to show our kids that it can all be joyfully done. There also are so many ways for us to give with our kids. Go, as a family, to a nursing home. Prior to going, sit around the kitchen table and make cards for the residents. Play Christmas music while you do it, eat some sugar cookies, and talk about what it must be like for those who can’t be in their own homes for the holidays. Discuss ways of making the season truly brighter for those around you.

The thing about giving, that seems to always surprise us, is that joy we personally receive from it. All of the hustling and bustling of the season becomes more than worth it when we see the delight in the face of another, and in turn, receive delight in our own hearts and lives.

May the words of Booker T. Washington live in the souls of all of us, including our children, during this season and every other day of the year: “Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.”

Kevin Weaver, CEO of Network211 and father of three sons, lives with his wife KyAnne in Springfield, MO. He enjoys spending time with family, hunting and watching University of Kansas basketball with his boys! He can be reached at kweaver@network211.com

Creating Connections as a Long-Haul Dad -- Prime Driver, John Hilliard

When we caught up with John Hilliard, he was about to deliver a refrigerated load to a customer in Orlando, Florida. John is in his eleventh year as a Prime driver. He primarily hauls food products. John’s interest in travel began when he traversed the country as a musician playing the piano. He has worked with a recording studio and some famous performers. He has also written songs for movies and television shows. When life on the road as a musician didn’t work out, John figured he might as well get his CDL and his life as a truck driver began.

John says it is his love of travel, especially over the road, that attracts him to truck driving. During his time as a driver, John has traveled through 48 states and several Canadian provinces. He loves the independence associated with being on the over-the-road driver.

When not on the road, John calls Texas his home. His two oldest children—a daughter and son—live in Houston, where others members of his extended family also reside. His two younger children live in El Paso, Texas.

You might think that being gone from home so often would diminish John’s role as a father, but he will assure you this is not true. Staying up with the activities and concerns of four kids, ages 22 to 12 is challenging, but John is quick to say that social media, phone calls, and FaceTime are a big help. Although some long-haul dads are able to arrange a regularly scheduled time to talk with their children, John says his approach is, by necessity, more random due to the variability of his children’s schedules, most of whom are working or in college. Even so, John reports talking with his 22-year-old daughter every day.

John says he makes a big deal about being available to his kids. He has even visited with his children’s teachers and told them, “Call me anytime with problems—homework, school work or otherwise.” He proudly says, “My son’s teachers have my number on speed dial.”

John says he’s out on the road a little longer now that the kids are older. Even so, he does manage to see them in person every 4-6 weeks. When he is home, he says he stays anywhere from 2-7 days. John emphasizes how important he thinks it is to talk with your kids ahead of time about being together. For John and his kids, making plans together are part of the fun.

Some of John’s fondest memories include over-the-road trips he took with his kids. During the 2005 evacuation associated with Hurricane Rita, he had all four kids with him in the truck when he drove from Texas to Seattle to get away from the storm.

John is proud of his driving ability and also trains other drivers. When he takes his kids with him, he gets to show them what their dad does. This includes showing them Cabbage Mountain in Oregon, one of the most dangerous mountains to drive in the U.S.

Other adventures with his kids include taking his oldest two to Manhattan. Once they parked the truck in a place John “knows about,” father and kids were able to tour the Empire State Building, Ground Zero, ride the subway and take the Staten Island Ferry.

But it’s not all fun and adventure. One summer, when John was concerned about his sons’ academic performance, he took them both on the truck with him where he supervised “lessons” every day. I don’t know many dads who take that much interest in their child’s school performance, but with John, it is serious business.

When asked what advice he would give to other dads, John identified four things all connect with love:

1    1.  Say, “I love you.”

      2.  Do loving things.

      3.  Be helpful to your kids and family.

      4.  Give meaningful gifts.

Most of all, John says, it’s important for your kids to know you will always listen. Even though he’s often far from home, it’s easy to see that he has a strong connection with his kids.

Like many drivers, John is divorced from the mother of his kids. Even so, John says they have a decent relationship that allows them to communicate with the kids and hang out together when he is home. He says they both work to create a positive environment for the kids.

Leading the Way by Giving Back -- Nixa Dad, Herb Cody

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. As a kid, my Mom worked very hard, and though we didn't have a lot, she always made sure we had a wonderful Christmas morning. As much as I loved opening Christmas presents, I equally enjoyed watching others unwrap the gifts I had gotten for them. My grandma would always give me a few dollars, and I'd go shop for a gift for my mother. No matter how terrible the gift, she would always act as if it was the greatest thing she had ever gotten. 

Now that I am a father of three, I try to show the same enthusiasm for each gift I receive from them. I have also tried to show them that Christmas should be more about giving than receiving. With kids, words don't always sink in, so you have to lead by example. Each fall, we have our closet clean out. I tell the kids to find all the clothes and toys they don't wear or play with so that we can donate to kids who do not have as much. They have actually begun to look forward to it.

Each year, my wife and I adopt a family through "Least of These,” here in Nixa, for the holidays. Last year my daughter had an assignment in one of her junior high classes. The idea was to do something to make the world better. She came to me and asked if she could adopt a family. She wanted to wrap gifts to earn money and ask for donations from others to help a family in need. I was so proud of her. She accepted a single mother with three children as her family to help out. My daughter was able to get everything from the want list. We personally delivered the gifts to the family, and my daughter loved it so much, she said, "Dad, I'm gonna do this every year." 

My daughter’s 14th birthday was this past July. For her birthday party, she asked that everyone donate gift cards, toys, kids clothing or cash, so she could adopt a family again this year. 

We have begun to keep care bags in our vehicle during the winter. My boys love to look for people they think may be homeless and in need of food or water. If we see someone, they enjoy handing out the bags. 

You don't have to make monetary donations or buy things to help people. I donate a lot of time to various organizations, not only to help others, but to lead by example, and encourage the joy of giving to my children. 

Herb Cody is a husband and father of three. He is a part-time Uber driver and full-time caregiver for his spouse, who suffered a traumatic brain injury after an auto accident November 2015. Herb loves football and is a St Louis Cardinals fanatic. He and his family live in Nixa MO. Herb can be reached for questions or comments at herbie05@yahoo.com

You can check out Herb's own blog at, www.thecodylife.weebly.com

Promoting Generosity in Children* -- Springfield Father--Jeffrey Sippy

My wife recently bought me a book of quotations from Mother Teresa of Calcutta.  If you can find such a book I encourage you to get one.  Teach your children to be generous the same way you teach them anything.    

Children are amazing. They can be taught amazing things.  Children can be taught to kick a soccer ball, set a volleyball, and hit a golf ball.  Children can be taught to play the violin, skate forward and backward, and operate a handheld electronic device.  Children can also be taught to be generous and to put the needs of others before their own.  Children can be taught to appreciate what they have.  Children can be taught to share.        

If our children are going to be generous then generosity needs to be the lifestyle and cultural value of our home.  Generosity does not just happen by wishing or wanting it.  Generosity needs to be as high a passion and priority as the other high passions and priorities of your life.  Generosity takes work and effort.               

Mother Teresa was a generous woman.  We need to highlight and profile generous people in our children’s life.  Children look up to pro athletes, actors and actresses, and musicians.  Children should also be encouraged to look up to generous people.   

There used to be a commercial with Michael Jordan.  The jingle went like this: “I want to be, I want to be, I want to be like Mike.”  Can you imagine children wanting to be like Mother Teresa or someone like her?        

Ask yourself right now, “What kind of person do you want your child to grow up to be?”  Would you like your children to be good at sports or music, math or science?  What if you were to say, “I want my child to be a generous person.”  

For you and me to raise generous children requires more than a casual conversation or a handful of change in the Salvation Army bucket at Christmas.  We need to help our children set tangible and sacrificial goals with clear objectives that benefit others in need.  Our children will benefit from knowing that they are blessed beyond measure and that their generosity makes a difference in the lives of others.      

Here are three ways I have taught my children to be generous.  I want to stress, however, that generosity is not just doing projects and generous things. Generosity is being a generous person from the inside out. 

 

1.    At birthdays, do not have children bring gifts for your child. Rather, pick a charity or a disaster relief and have children bring monetary gifts or food items to be given away.

2.    Have your children mow lawns or shovel the snow off walks for free.

3.   Teach your children to budget their money with a set percentage always to be given away.   Start small, like 1 or 2 % with the objective of reaching a goal of 5% or 10% or more. 

Children watch what we do more than listen to what we say. Teach with both actions and words to effectively promote generosity in your children.

*    This post first appeared on the Good Dads blog December 5, 2016. We liked it so much, we thought it worth repeating. 

      Jeff Sippy, a Dad-In-Training, is the father of three young men and the husband of Cindy. He enjoys sailing every chance that he gets. He is the senior pastor at Redeemer Lutheran in Springfield, MO and can be reached for question or comment at jsippy@rlcmail.org