Love, Laughter, and Elevating Lives -- Springfield Dad, Russ Goesslin, Elevate Lives

Russ Gosselin is the founder and executive director of Elevate Lives. He is also a husband and father. Elevate Lives equips and mobilizes good-hearted people in Springfield, Missouri to come alongside those living in low-income neighborhoods, helping them to thrive in every aspect of their lives. When you learn about the work of Elevate Lives you’ll notice that their serious mission is accompanied by fun and celebration, the kind that helps people build relationships. Russ sees this perspective as key to being a good dad.

Russ and Sharon, his wife of nearly 35 years, are the parents of two grown children, Joseph, 30, and Janell, 27. When it comes to laughter, lecture, and love, Russ describes himself as an “80/20 kind of guy,” with a strong focus on squeezing every ounce out of life (80%), reserving only a small portion (20%) for serious moments of possible “lecture.” He claims, “I couldn’t be perfect, so I decided to be loving and fun.”

When his children were young, Russ frequently introduced love and laughter into their night time routine. Kneeling beside their bed he talked to them softly about how important it was for them to be quiet and fall asleep while, at the same time, he surreptitiously tickled them under the covers. The children loved it, but Russ admits their uncontrolled laughter sometimes caused Sharon to call, “Gosselin, what are you up to?” from the adjoining room.

When things weren’t going well, i.e., when a lecture or some other kind of serious discussion was needed, Russ often invited his kids to join him in the truck. Together they would make a quick trip to a fast food place, because—as Russ puts it, “Ice cream fixes a lot of things.” In a more serious vein, Russ noted, that in addition to planned “dates” with his children, spontaneous trips to Chipotle with his daughter were often the foundation for more serious discussions.

“We had an agreement,” he said. “I buy the food and you talk.” It worked and it stuck. Although Janell is grown, married and gone from home, she recently called her dad from Georgia and told him a new Chipotle had just opened in Augusta.

“Dad,” she said. “Let’s both go to Chipotle at the same time—you there and me here—and we’ll FaceTime each other.”

Not a bad idea for a dad and kid who want to stay connected, even when they’re miles apart.

Being A Good Dads in Tough Times -- Springfield Dad, Kevin Weaver

To say that parenting is a crazy mix of emotional mountains and valleys is an understatement. There is nothing better than celebrating with your child in the good times, and nothing worse than grieving with your child in the bad. When I think of tough times and raising our sons, I boil it down to two categories: general and personal. As to the general, these are the challenges that face most all children in this modern age: peer pressure, unrealistic standards set by Hollywood or the media, and somehow building healthy relationships in a society that often offers very unhealthy environments. Then, there is what I feel is the personal: challenging or heartbreaking trials that are specific or unique to our individual children.

How to we help them through the hard things we see facing all of our children in the 21^st Century? School shootings, racial divisiveness, political unrest? As trite as it may seem, we need to take the time to really communicate. We make ourselves as parents available, approachable, and unflappable. We talk about the news, and we talk about digging deep for facts. We encourage them to not just have the boldness to speak their own minds, but to also respectfully listen to what is on the minds of others. Make dinner conversations around these things, though not just dwelling on the daunting problems, but also focusing on how we can be a part of the solutions. As important as a good education is, such as having strong grasp of the subjects taught in school, life problem solving skills are perhaps even more vital to the development of our children.  Of course, one night of lively debate over a tater tot casserole will not solve all of the tough problems in this world, but it will help your child become more aware of what is going on around them and how they are an integral part of not only the universe they live in, but perhaps a piece in the puzzle that could make it a “less tough” place to inhabit.

As challenging and scary as it can be to face world problems, the personal giants that shadow our children often can prove even more frightening. Unexpected medical or developmental diagnoses, being bullied by peers, family moves, and death of a cherished pet or relative, are some of the things that can make up very tough times for our individual children, as well as their parents. These are the heavy times that a talk around the table alone will not greatly lighten. It took all of the strength and self-control my wife and I could muster when our boys faced specific, personal challenges. It was hard for us not to want to be angry at what appeared to be an unfair circumstance, an overbearing coach, an inflexible teacher, or a three-foot-tall bully in pigtails. But, part of helping guide our children through these inevitable experiences was remembering that we were the grown-ups. And as grown-ups, and in order to see our young become successful, happy, productive grown-ups themselves, helping them learn how to go through – and grow through – these tough times was the best thing we could do for them.

I feel like a broken record when I say this, but modeling for our children is so important. They are watching us, and watching us not just in the good times, but in the tough times. Quite possibly, even more so in the tough times. How do they see us deal with frustration at work? How do they see us handle the death of a dear loved one? How do they see us stand by our convictions while allowing for others to freely stand by their own? Talking, guiding, modeling, and in our house, a whole lot of praying, were some of the tools we used in trying to be good parents for our kids in those tough times. 

Kevin Weaver, CEO of Network211 and father of three sons, lives with his wife KyAnne in Springfield, MO. He enjoys spending time with family, hunting and watching University of Kansas basketball with his boys! He can be reached at kweaver@network211.com

Trucking Runs in the Family -- Steelman Driver and Father of Two, Tony Capraro

When Tony Capraro says driving a big rig runs in the family, he’s serious. Both his mother and father, his grandfather, his sisters and younger brother all drove an 18-wheeler at some point in their lives. “It’s in my blood,” he claims. “It’s what I know how to do. Even as a very young child, when my dad came home I ran and sat in his seat with my hands on the steering wheel.”

Like many drivers, Tony likes the freedom of driving a truck and being his own boss in terms of how he spends his time. He also says, “The money is good, but you’ve got to keep moving.”

Tony drives a flatbed truck for Steelman Transportation. He’s been driving for at least 8 years since he turned 21-years-old. He hauls many things and enjoys his work, but doesn’t much care for “tarping” a load. He probably has company in that area.

Today Tony’s boys see him behind the wheel. He is the dad to Matt (7) and Clayton (1). It’s not always easy to stay in touch with young children while driving over the road, but Tony makes it a priority. “I call and talk to my son every night,” he explains, “and every morning I get photos from my son’s mother. He hears my voice every single day.”

Challenging Relationships

One of the biggest challenges Tony faces is the fact he’s not in a committed relationship with the mothers of either of his sons. One boy’s mother makes it very easy for Tony to stay in touch. It’s more difficult with the other son’s mom. It’s a difficult thing to talk about, but Tony was willing to share his story because he knows many over-the-road truckers face the same challenge.

“A decent relationship with the mother of your child is critical to a dad having access, especially if the child is young,” he says.

Tony does his best to get home to his son every two-four weeks. “When I get to my house,” he says about the mother of one son, “she’s there as soon as I hit the driveway, no questions asked.” This clearly means a lot to Tony.

Tony admits having dad gone a lot is not easy for kids. He should know since his dad was a trucker as well. At the same time, many children have fathers who cannot be with them as much as they like, e.g., children with fathers in the military, or who travel a lot for business. Some fathers live in the same home with their children, but rarely give them focused attention. Fathers who travel might be encouraged to know that their desire to be with their children is the most important thing, i.e., even if they can’t be present in person, their interaction via FaceTime, texting, etc. reassures a child of his value and importance to his dad.

Advice to Truckers on Broken Relationships

When it comes to staying in touch with your children when you’re driving over the road, especially if you’re not in a committed relationship with the mother of those children, Tony encourages:

  

     .    Put differences aside.

2   .       Remember, it’s about the child.

3   .       Communicate all you can. Use FaceTime.

4   .       Be there when you can, especially for the big moments and some of the small ones too.

Forming a Father & Sons Family Business: Tri-Star Electrical

Steve Schnute says he had a life-long dream to learn electricity and work with his dad. Although the two of them have been working together now for more than 20 years, Steve says it all began when he tagged along with his dad as a boy to help family and friends.

Jerry Schnute, the patriarch of the Schnute family, worked 35 years for Detroit Edison (now known as DTE Energy). When he retired, he pursued his long-time goal of earning his master’s license as an electrician, as well as a contractor’s license. Equipped with these credentials, Jerry and Steve started working together in 1997. Scott, Steve’s older brother, joined them one year later. All admit to having a passion for the building and remodeling trades focused in the area of electricity.

Initially, the Schnutes formed a 50/50 business association with another electrician, but about 10 years ago they started a new company of their own known as Tri-Star Electrical. Although all the Schnute men are proficient in working with electricity, they admit that running a business of their own is something entirely different. Jerry remarks, “Administration is not my strong suit,” but offers that Scott has shown ability in this area. Steve concentrates his energy in other areas of the business.

All are “out in the field” for a portion of almost every day. They confess to “growing pains” in learning the business side of electrical contracting but also point to the impressive growth they’ve experienced in the last few years. Two of Scott’s sons and one of Steve’s now work in the family business, apprenticed by Jerry. Scott and Steve also agree they need to hire more people because of the growth they’ve experienced.

What’s the Best Thing about Working Together?

Scott says the best thing about working together with his dad is the “generational knowledge” being passed along with the practical instruction necessary in becoming an accomplished electrician. He notes that his sons are seeing the value of their elders and being taken into their hearts. He adds, “We cherish these times and are so thankful for them. We know many don’t have this dynamic.”

Steve emphasizes the importance of relationships, as well, stating that it’s great to have a relationship with his dad that is not boss to employee. “You can ask dumb questions and it is okay. Dad is a mentor.”

Jerry notes that our society and culture was once agrarian, which meant children working alongside their parents. “Today’s society,” he says, “doesn’t recognize the strength of the family, resulting in degenerating family relationships.” Given this common dynamic, he sees the relationships they’ve developed with each other in the family business as a “big blessing.”

What are Some of the Challenges?

The Schnute men are realistic about the challenges of a family business. For instance, while all of them were skilled as electricians, none of them really had business experience.

Scott offers, “None of us had business experience. We had to learn by experience how to function in our market. We had to learn how to find the right employees. This means understanding our limitations and obtaining the knowledge we need.”

“There’s family business, as well as business and family. We’re not ‘socially separated’ so when we’re all together it can be hard to leave business behind,” explains Steve. “This was especially difficult in 2008 during the recession.”

The Lighter Side of a Family Business

Talk with Jerry, Scott, and Steve and you’ll know they love to laugh and find the humor in things. Because they’re family and have worked together for so long, they have a number of “inside jokes” that bring levity into their day. They admit to having their own lexicon of words and phrases to bring laughter to an otherwise serious moment. Scott’s artistic and satirical skills have also contributed to the development of a number of cartoons which they keep in a “funny file.”

Steve says, “We like to have fun, laugh, and tease each other. We have many good memories.” 

Family Business vs. Family Picnic

While they greatly value the opportunity to work together, they do have words of caution suggesting those interested in forming a family business remember it’s a family business, not a family picnic. As one of the founders and elder statesman of the group, Jerry offers the following advice:

“Be prepared to recognize and deal with weaknesses you may not have previously recognized in your family members. Weaknesses are magnified in a business setting. Be ready to deal with it.”

Scott concurs with his dad and urges, “Take time to learn each other’s strengths. Let people work in their strengths. Encourage them.”

Steve emphasizes, “Cherish one another and the opportunity to work together. Value people over money.”

It’s hard to know just how much Tri-Star Electrical will grow in the years to come, but I think it’s safe to say the Schnutes will continue to value the connection they have with each other and their customers. In terms of father-child relationships, they are easily an inspiration to many.

Jerry Schnute is married to Margo. They have four children—two boys and two girls.

Scott Schnute is married to Melanie. They have eight children—four boys and four girls.

Steve Schnute is married to Julia. They have four children – two boys and two girls.

They can be reached for question or comment through their office manager, julie@tristarelectrical.com

Staying Connected Over-the-Road -- Prime Good Dad, Driver Larry Hinex

Larry Hinex describes himself as “a pretty simplistic guy,” driving for Prime with a goal of earning enough money to help his daughter, Jakeisha, who is in college pursuing a degree in a law-related field. Larry also has two sons, Larry and R.J., who are out on their own. He was born and raised in Oklahoma City. The day we spoke with him he was driving a flatbed truck loaded with water pipes somewhere in southern Texas.

Larry has been driving for Prime for nearly two years—his first experience as an over-the-road driver. He claims his Uncle Rick was his inspiration for truck driving. When he was a boy, his uncle took Larry and his dad along with him on a trip to Dallas. He recalls watching his uncle on that trip and thinking how “cool” he was talking on the CB and handling his rig. From that time on, he says, he had a secret desire to drive a truck. Finally, years later, with encouragement from a friend he overcame his fears and pursued his dream.

You might not expect someone who was once a personal trainer to choose driving an 18-wheeler as an occupation, but Larry says it’s possible to stay physically fit and he works hard to have a healthy lifestyle while on the road. Sometimes this means exercise he does by himself at a truck stop. Other times, it means parking near a gym or fitness club and taking advantage of the various machines and activities offered there. In fact, Larry reports finding his “sanity” and “peace of mind” in the gym. He acknowledges that even though he loves driving, it can sometimes be a lonely job. This is why he believes it’s so important for a driver to take care of himself physically, mentally, spiritually and relationally.

Maintaining a good relationship with his kids is also important to Larry. He’s home for a week about once a month. When he’s home, Larry enjoys hanging out with his kids watching a movie, going to the beach, or traveling to see things. One of his favorite memories occurred when his children were young and his daughter hooked a 70 lb. catfish near the Panama Canal. He still laughs thinking about that event. “Being former Navy,” he says, “I’m used to living in a lot of places. I don’t know how to sit down.”

When he’s on the road Larry frequently uses social media to help him to stay connected with his family. Even though his kids are grown and out on their own, he wants to be supportive of them. He sees cell phones, FaceTime, texting and Facebook Messenger as being critical to staying in touch with all of them.

When asked how he tries to be a good dad over the road, Larry responded, “Stay engaged. Stay Engaged. Stay engaged.” He also gave the following suggestions for maintaining overall well-being.

1)  Find your peace while on the road. Do your best to stay physically fit. Make time to work out at your truck or in the gym if at all possible.

2)  Read books. Larry recommends reading the Bible, among others.

3)  Listen to YouTube. There are lots of interesting things to learn about.

4)  When possible, attend a “Truck Driver Church.”

5)  Hold yourself accountable to the goals you set for yourself and the kind of man you want to be.

Good Dad & Good Mom -- Nixa Dad, Herb Cody

I recently read a statistic, where the number of families with kids under 18, headed by a single-parent, increased from 8.2% to almost 32% from 1960 to 2015. Between 2000 and 2015 the share of two-parent families declined by nearly 5%.

When I married my spouse in 2010, she already had two children. We quickly added our third. I was a stay at home father, while my wife, Emily, worked full time. For the first year with our infant son, Emily was able to work from home and take some of the pressure off this first time father. 

  

Over the years, Emily and I did a fantastic job of raising these 3 wonderful children. I was there to roughhouse, teach them how to play sports, card games, and fish. Emily was there to nurture them, tend to the boo-boos, show them how to cook and bake, tie their shoes and brush their teeth. 

In November 2015, I almost became part of that single-parent statistic. My wife was involved in a car accident and suffered a severe traumatic brain injury. I was informed by doctors, that Emily might not survive, and if she did, she may live in a vegetative state. At that time, the boys were 4 and 11, and our daughter, Leah, was 12 going on 16. If ever there was a period in life, where a girl needs her Mom, it was then. 

  

Thankfully, my wife survived, and made a remarkable recovery, however, over the course of the two years that followed her accident, I was that single father. This “Good Dad”, had to also learn to be that patient, nurturing “Good Mom” as well. Looking back on that period, all I can remember is how exhausted I was, all of the time. 

Today, Emily has settled back into her motherly role. I can now be the “bad guy” from time to time, and the kids have her to run to. My daughter, now almost 15, has someone to shop and do hair and makeup with. The boys love playing games and reading with her. 

I know I was a pretty good Dad as our family went through such a terrible event, but I’m positive that I’m at my best, with a “Good Mom” by my side. 

Herb Cody is a husband and father of three. He is a part-time Uber driver and full-time caregiver for his spouse, who suffered a traumatic brain injury after an auto accident November 2015. Herb loves football and is a St Louis Cardinals fanatic. He and his family live in Nixa MO. Herb can be reached for questions or comments at herbie05@yahoo.com

You can check out Herb's own blog at,

www.thecodylife.weebly.com

Three Theories for Raising Kids -- Brian Fogle, Springfield Dad and President of Community Foundation

Brian Fogle claims he had three theories about how to raise children before he had three. Now he has none! Even without theories, Brian is the proud and happy father of three young adults—two daughters and a son. Although they live in various locations, Brian says they stay connected via cellphone plans and texting. When they do get together in one place, his group loves “hanging out,” laughing, joking and eating together.

Brian grew up in Aurora, Missouri where his parents had little concern for his safety and well-being.

“My parents let me play and be a kid. I was outdoors all the time and had a lot of independence and freedom. It was a small town with much less ‘class distinction.’ There was a vibrant community life and we didn’t really know or much care about who had what kind of money or resources.”

At the same time, since the community was small, Brian admits to experiencing a shared accountability, in that other adults who saw you misbehave would likely talk to you and/or report your wrong-doing to your parents.

“The last thing I wanted was for my parents to be contacted. I think that’s changed today.”

Raising His Kids

Brian is the youngest of three boys, so he had little experience with women other than his mother and wife. Raising girls, he found, can be quite different than raising boys.

“I found myself raising my ‘volume,’ (speaking of his voice) when my girls were teenagers, but it didn’t work very well. I discovered it’s important to avoid riding the rollercoaster of adolescence with them.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a teenager than a little logic and reason won’t aggravate,” he quipped philosophically. Brian notes that he tended to be conflict-averse, but found parenting required he learn to lays to approach and manage it, rather than avoid it.

These days Brian says he really enjoys the young adults his children have become. He explains that he and his wife come from large, close families with lots of inside jokes. “Sometimes,” he says, “when we’re all together, I just like to watch the interactions and laugh.”

Encouragement to Other Dads 

Avoid idle threats. Say what you mean; mean what you say, and do what you say you will do.

Be fair and consistent in a friendly tone of voice. Avoid being punitive. Allow your child to experience the natural and logical consequences of their behavior whenever possible.

Reinforce what you mean by repeating what you said. Be a calm authority. There’s no need to defend yourself and explain.

Delay the discussion of consequences until you’re well rested.

Love and devotion to your kids overcome a lot of the mistakes we make. None of us are perfect parents, but when our kids know we are devoted to their well-being, that helps a lot.