The other day my wife and I overheard a conversation between two young
moms regarding preschool. We were amused by the fact it sounded more like an
exchange comparing the virtues of Harvard and Yale, than it did one contrasting
the arts and craft time at two early childhood programs—ones, I might add,
which are held in church basements.
We were amused because we so vividly remember painstakingly
mulling over such things, especially in our early years of parenting. You would
be hard-pressed to find a parent who does not wish to see his or her child
succeed. I am not talking primal parental competitions, such as “my kid has to
crawl before your kid.” I am talking about the sincere desire to simply see
children find their way in school and life by a competent, confident and
complete means.
Research regarding achieving success has been done to death. There
are books, seminars, conferences, and TedTalks from which we can gather
information on helping our kids make it in both school and life. While many of
these things are indeed helpful, we have to keep in mind that each one of our
children is unique, just as each of his or her parents.
Like most parents, I wanted my boys to succeed. I want them to
find their passions and fan them into flame. In theory, that sounds lovely. In
reality, it is tough. Fortunately, I can share a few things from my hits and
misses, which I hope will encourage and challenge you in efforts to support
your own children in achieving success, not only in their schooling, but also
in life!
Time. I know, I know. The experts are always telling us dads to spend more time with
our kids. But, in order to clearly see the talents and desires in our
children’s hearts, we have to spend time with them. There are no shortcuts to
this one.
Discernment.
How much money have therapists made off of adult children bemoaning jobs and
lives they feel trapped in because it was what “my father wanted?” Use wisdom
in discerning if what you are encouraging your child to do is what he or she
wants to do or is gifted to do…or what you want him or her to do.
Tools.
It’s virtually impossible in both time and money for the majority of dads to
spend large amounts of these resources on a myriad of interests and activities,
but there are hints to guide us. If you start to notice your little football/baseball/soccer/tennis
player whines about going to all of his or her practices, except for tennis you
might want to cut back and focus on giving him or her all of the tools you can
in that one area. I’m not suggesting your children not try various things, or
not be well rounded. Just consider scaling back on doing a little in a lot of
things, and instead do a lot in one or two.
Sidelines
& Bleachers. This really could be called “Discernment Part II.” Above all
else, know when to be a sideline supporter and when to be a bleacher supporter.
Sometimes, our kids need us right beside them, cheering and jumping up and
down. But sometimes, especially as they get older and make more of their own
choices, they need us to sit up in the stands of life, quietly giving our
support. We need to let them know we are
there when they need us, but let them shine on their own.
I think of those preschool moms holding hands with their children
just entering the stadiums of school and life. I think of myself in an airport
traveling home from briefly visiting a grown son and his wife. Now is the time
when I sit in the bleachers, at times wanting to shout out what he should do,
but remembering it’s his time to carry the ball. I have to trust that the time
I spent with him, the discernment I tried to use, and the tools I put in his
toolbox, have given him all the support he will need, no matter where I stand
or sit in his life. I think that’s a big
part of being a “Good Dad.”
Kevin Weaver, CEO of Network211 and father of three sons, lives with his wife KyAnne in Springfield, MO. He enjoys spending time with family, hunting and watching University of Kansas basketball with his boys! He can be reached at kweaver@network211.com.
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