If you have been parenting for even a minute, your
world has been bombarded with all sorts of advice on what you should do. Good
dads know that they are to model love, laughter, and good work ethics. Not only
do good dads know these are essential, but we strive to show them to the best
of our ability. When one or all of these things seem to take hold in one of our
kids, we celebrate. We are thrilled, even a little proud that we could play
such a positive role in their overall development as a human being.
But, what about the things we should be doing that
aren’t so “good looking” on the surface? Sometimes, dads need to be willing to
be what the world might deem “unattractively transparent” so that kids can
learn some pretty deep life lessons. It is with this mindset that I think of
three things in particular that our kids should see us doing, but often some
things that make us feel pretty uncomfortable.
1.
STRUGGLE
As parents, especially dads, we can have this innate
desire to be seen as “superheroes” in the eyes of our young. Always the one
with the great advice, the right answer, the solution to any and all problems.
Always the one to swoop in and make things look easy. But, is that real life?
And, more importantly, will our kids always be in situations where someone else
will save the day? Struggle is part of life…real life…any life. If our kids
never see us struggle, they will never have the opportunity to see us
persevere. The ability to persevere in spite of challenging circumstances is a much-needed
skill in order to be successful, but many young people lack it. It’s okay to
let your kids see you struggle, as long as they see you persevere through it.
2.
CRY
Yup. I said it. Kids should see their dads cry. They
also should see them laugh. Maybe not every second of every day, but crying and
laughing are part of the emotional coping process. Now, you may not be the
crying type and I can’t say I have cried that many times in front of my boys
over the past almost 30 years, but they have certainly seen the eyes water on a
few occasions. It isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of life. Let the kids
know your emotional lights are on, somebody is home, and that somebody knows
how to cope with the heartache and joy this life presents.
3.
APOLOGIZE
I will be the first to admit it, before my wife and
kids can…I have a hard time saying I am wrong. But, admit I must, for wrong I
often am. If you look around, ours is a culture in which many have a hard time
conceding fault. Taking responsibility is not something humans tend to want to
do. How critical it is for our sons and daughters to witness us not only making
mistakes, but also owning up to them. We must exhibit the humility necessary to
say, “I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me so that we can continue to live and
love and work together?” Can you imagine if every person on social media
possessed this skill? Our world would forever be changed. And in a good way. Dad’s,
this kind of behavior gives our kids an example and experience to be the kind
of adult people that will be skilled to develop deep relationships.
So, as you ponder the things to let your kids see…and
not see…remember to let them see you struggle, cry, and apologize. This just
might lead to kids who can readily persevere, cope, and humbly get along with
everyone else on the planet.
Kevin Weaver, CEO of Network211 and father of three sons, lives with his wife KyAnne in Springfield, MO. He enjoys spending time with family, hunting and watching University of Kansas basketball with his boys! He can be reached at kweaver@network211.com
Kevin Weaver, CEO of Network211 and father of three sons, lives with his wife KyAnne in Springfield, MO. He enjoys spending time with family, hunting and watching University of Kansas basketball with his boys! He can be reached at kweaver@network211.com
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