Encouraging School Success -- Springfield Father of Two, Pat Bauer

Thank you for allowing me to share a few ideas on starting the school year by encouraging success.  One of the things I love about Good Dads is the organization supports us all on our journey to become better fathers.  On my own journey to trying to become a better dad I have been thinking about ways I can help my 10- and 12-year-old children have the best school year possible.  I’m sharing three questions I have been asking myself about the new school year in the hopes it might spark a useful idea or two for you to use in your own parenting journey.

First, how can I help my children set goals for the new school year?  I think it is important for children to have a few goals they are trying to accomplish each year and to put those goals in writing.  I also realize while academics are important it takes life skills such as grit and teamwork to be successful.  Therefore, I encourage my children to set an academic goal and goals for their activities and their character.  For example, my kids have set goals for making a certain grade in math, trying out for a solo in choir (courage/grit), and trying to earn the Kid of Character Award (citizenship/teamwork).  Throughout the year we will periodically talk about how they are doing and discuss things we can do to improve.  By the way, my wife and I will also set goals for the school year in order to model the importance of goal setting.  My goals for last year included reading a book a month, serving at school as a WatchDOGS (Dads of Great Students) volunteer, and leading All Pro Dads at McBride Elementary.

Second, how can I set high expectations for my children this school year?  A simple thing I do each morning as my kids are leaving for school is to tell them to “Keep being leaders and learners!”  I like to throw the word “keep” in there because I want them to know I already see them as leaders and learners.  I want my kids to view me as their biggest cheerleader.  In addition, we try to have a family meeting each Sunday during lunch.  This is a short visit because I don’t want them to dread a weekly sermon from Dad.  However, we do share a success from the past week and a goal for the coming week.  This gives us a chance to look back and look forward as a family each week and reinforce our expectations.  We also play games and plan fun activities for the coming weeks.  We do like to have lots of fun together, and I think forming these close relationships as a family also helps with success at school.

Third, how can I be an involved parent at school this year?  I have seen how dads who are involved in school support children in being successful at school.  This one seems to get harder as my children get older.  I definitely try to be there for Open House, conferences, performances, etc.  However, beyond that I have found it beneficial to participate in the McBride Elementary WatchDOGS program.  WatchDOGS is a program that allows dads to volunteer at school one or two days per year and help in a variety of ways from greeting students in the morning, to being present at recess, to helping students with their school work.  I also found it rewarding to serve as our school’s All Pro Dads captain the past few school years.  All Pro Dads is a time for dads and kids to meet together for breakfast and discussion before school.  If your school does not have an All Pro Dads chapter you might consider starting one this year (Good Dads can help with this).  I found that All Pro Dad days quickly became some of my kids favorite days of the year.

I am not a perfect dad.   I let my kids have too much screen time.  I feed them too much sugar.  I lose my patience at times.  My kids might say I am a little too competitive during our family games.  I just see it as helping them learn to endure smack talk in the face of adversity.  Anyway, I appreciate the way Good Dads reminds us we do not have to be perfect dads.  If we are simply good dads our kids will reap the benefits for a lifetime.  What are some things you will do to contribute to the educational success of your children?  Have a great school year!

Pat Bauer, EdD is an educational specialist and regional leader for the University of Missouri’s College of Education.  Prior to working for MU Pat was a teacher, principal, and assistant superintendent in the Lebanon School District.  Pat is married to Sheri and they have two children, Nick and Lindsey.  Pat’s favorite things to do include spending time with family, cheering for Mizzou, and supporting his children in their various activities.

Taming Transitions -- Nixa Father of Three -- Herb Cody

Adults have to make transitions several times each day. Most of the time, transitions are made smoothly and without much thought. For children, however, transitions can be much more difficult. Kids are still learning how to deal with their emotions, and can lash out when asked to stop one thing, in order to do another. 

Parents play a very important role, in helping kiddos learn to deal with transitioning from one thing to the next. If you have ever taken a child to a party or an amusement park, and had to tell them it’s time to leave, you’ve probably had to deal with a tantrum or outburst. I learned early on, the best way to handle such a situation, was to give the kids a countdown or let them know ahead of time, exactly what time we would have to leave. When kids have some advanced idea of when they will have to leave, they can prepare themselves for the transition. 

We were at a Chuck-E-Cheese birthday party for a child who just turned 5. Obviously, there were several 4- and 5-year-olds attending the party, including mine. The children were rounded up from running around playing games, to come eat cake and watch the boy open gifts. One parent had to leave and abruptly told their child it was time to go as he took his first bite of cake. He was clearly not ready to leave and very upset at the idea of having to go. His first emotional response was to pick up his piece of cake and throw it! As soon as the dessert left his hand, there was instant fear in his eyes. He knew he had made a mistake. He began to cry as Mom grabbed his hand and pulled him away from the table. In hindsight, I’m sure this parent realized, she should have just said, “Finish your cake, and then we need to leave.” 

Children can function and transition more easily when they have a routine or schedule. My kids know that when they get home from school, they are to do homework before playing games or watching TV. If they beg to do something else before homework is done, don’t give in. If you give in to their requests once, then they know there is opportunity in the future which ends up in unnecessary arguments. The same goes with bed time routines, video games and TV time. 

As our children grow, they become more equipped to deal with their emotions, and therefore, are able to accept the many daily transitions. 

  

Herb Cody is a husband and father of three. He is a part time Uber driver and full time caregiver of his spouse, who suffered a traumatic brain injury after an auto accident November, 2015. Herb loves football and is a St Louis Cardinals fanatic. He and his family live in Nixa MO. Herb can be reached for questions or comments at herbie05@yahoo.com

You can check out Herb's own blog at,

www.thecodylife.weebly.com

Coaching and Connection -- Prime Driving Instructor Danny Gibbons Uses Instructor Skills with His Daughters and New Drivers

There’s no doubt that Danny Gibbons is the very proud father of three young, adult daughters. Just ask him and he’ll tell you about their achievements, their college degrees and graduate degrees. He is understandably pleased with what they accomplished and his ability to support them financially because of his job with Prime, Inc.

Danny started driving with Prime almost 11 years ago and then moved into the role of training and coaching new drivers. “I used to coach my girls’ sports activities, so it was just a natural thing for me to help aspiring drivers learn the skills they need to drive a big truck.” In addition to training others, Danny has won a number of awards for his driving skill, including three time “Instructor of the Year”  and the “Million Mile Award” for safe driving.

Danny’s specialty or expertise lies in the area of driving a flatbed truck. He said he was drawn to it because flatbeds usually go to more rural or suburban areas, whereas “re-fers” (refrigerated trucks) are more typically bound for big cities. He also enjoys the challenge of hauling different or unique roles. One of his most unusual or challenging loads was a 35,000--40,000-pound motor.

Danny knows a lot about 18-wheelers, but he also is pretty savvy when it comes to kids. Over the years, he has developed a number of strategies for staying connected with his daughters. One year one of his daughters developed a map of the U.S. with one that displayed all the places he driving for Prime with string and tacks. At the end of the year he was pleased to receive the map in a more permanent form as a gift and tribute from her.

Of course, Danny, has also made it a practice to stay in regular communication with his daughters. “Can you see the moon tonight?” he’s asked. “What does it look like?” He said that looking at the same moon at the same time helps a dad and child to feel closer, even when their hundreds of miles apart. He also suggests having a “special song” so that every time a child hears it, she remembers, “My dad is thinking about me.”

Prime Good Dads is all about helping fathers be more engaged and connected with their kids “for the long haul.” Driving a long-haul truck has its challenges and fathers obviously miss their families, but Danny Gibbons is proof that a dad can stay “engaged” with his child even when he can’t be present physically. Our hats are off to him and many other drivers like him. Thanks Danny!

Dr. Shelby Smith knows men are notably bad about taking care of themselves and he’s trying to do something about that. Three years ago he and his partners, Dr. Mark Chambers and Dr. Teresa Troy formed Equality Healthcare with a fundamental assumption: Everyone is equal. No one is the same.

Their mission statement reads as follows:

We believe everyone deserves easy access to affordable, quality healthcare. And that’s why we’re changing the healthcare equation. It’s affordability plus transparent pricing plus relationship-driven primary care minus insurance driven medicine. The sum? Equality Healthcare.

Drs. Smith, Chambers and Troy may be on to something, especially when it comes to men’s health. A recent study in Men’s Health reported that, “. . . among the 1,006 Americans surveyed, more than a quarter of the millennials in that group were skipping doctor's visits because of their fear of incurring a high medical bill.”

Cost, however, is not the only excuse given. According to Science Daily: Rather than make appointments to see their family doctor on a regular basis, men are often more likely to make excuses for not going. The top three excused include 1) being too busy; 2) being afraid of finding out something might be wrong with them; and 3) discomfort with certain body exams such as prostate checks.

Dr. Smith has been a very popular speaker for two of the Good Dads Tuesday Lunch Series. His warmth, intelligence and sense of humor about men and their health make him an ideal presenter. Not only do people laugh, they also learn a great deal

We wanted an update from Dr. Smith and recently invited him to join us for a Good Dads podcast to discuss common problems with health during the summer months. Our conversation covered a number of topics, including preventing and treating insect bites, ticks, rashes, sunburn and impetigo. As the father of two, soon to be three sons, Dr. Smith was full of helpful information for good dads and their kids. We hope you’ll listen to this podcast and see for yourself.

Simple Summer Fun . . . Lasting Life Lessons -- Springfield Dad, Kevin Weaver

My grown boys like to tease my wife and I about all of the “free manual labor” we received from so wisely having three, strapping boys, all born within a 4.5-year span. While help around the house and family property certainly did not drive any family planning, I won’t lie to you—those boys were pretty darn helpful. In the fall, they would assist me in raking and bagging what seemed to be endless piles of leaves. Winter would realize each holding their own, bright, red, snow shovel diligently plowing paths (often in racing format) on not only our driveway, but those of nearby neighbors.  Springtime signaled the weeding of the flowerbeds, followed by the spreading of bark chips. And summer? Summer, especially for the years we had acreage with a fairly large body of water—mowing, weed eating and treating the pond took up many a Saturday.

But, here’s the thing: With the work, came the reward. And even the grown-ups know, reward can be quite fun.

Don’t get me wrong. We didn’t just bless our children, when they did things for us. I mean, just typing that feels wrong. Children deserve our unconditional love, regardless. But, the reality of life is that a whole lot of work goes into making way for play, and we just tried to seize every opportunity we could to model both for our boys.

Summer was especially easy to do so, what with the kids out of school, and the weather most often cooperating for activities that could take us outdoors. Oh, we found fun rewards during the winter months, but those could very well require additional drains on the family budget, such as the admission of a movie ticket or renting bowling shoes. The advantage of being able to expand the spaces, in which we can enjoy our fun, makes summer the perfect time to reap the rewards of jobs well done.

Now, some of you may be thinking, “Wow. This guy couldn’t just have fun with his kids, for the sake of having fun?” Of course, I could, did, and still do. But, while we want to make our kids’ childhoods as blissfully happy and memorable as possible, we also want to set them up for even longer, just as blissful happy and productive adult lives. My boys knew that I would rather be at a theme park with them than at my desk at work. But, they also knew that being faithful at my job was what provided the means for us to go have fun at the theme park.

So, how does the thought of an expensive stay at the Magic Kingdom (or your choice of summer activities) tie in to finding ways to have inexpensive, summer, family fun? We can do things on an inexpensive, regular basis to show our young that work and play can happen every day. We just have to be intentional and strategic.

Each family is unique. I had three boys, you may have one daughter. I had children close together in age, you may have four kids spread out over a 15-year span. I mostly worked days, you may work nights. We love history and sporting events; your family may love musicals and art museums. It is not a competition of outward activities. Rather, it is a common goal of inward engagement—connecting with our kids on a deep level that will last a lifetime. Summer fun can help make that happen. It seems the key is to find the right activities that your whole family can enjoy.  I know . . . easier said than done.

So, even though you will have to find your fun that works best for your family’s tastes, I will share just a few things we found to be particularly rewarding and memorable.

1. After a hot day of yard work, we would often find a swimming pool, a lake, or simply set the sprinkler under the trampoline and “bounce in the water.” Pre-trampoline days, we once even fashioned our own “poor man’s Slip-n-Slide” from large, black, yard trash bags, and you would have thought we had given the boys the best gift, ever.
2. Sometimes, we created our own ice cream sundaes or, in the case of our middle son, experiment with some of the weirdest (and grossest) smoothie flavors known to man.
3. Other times, we headed to a local park, or nearby hiking trail.
4. If the days were particularly scorching, but we were short on cash, my wife would search out the “dollar movie matinee” opportunities in the area.

Find your version of simple, inexpensive, summer fun. But, don’t be afraid to let your kids see the work that paves the way for the “fireworks.”  Bottom line . . . it’s really all about quality time with your kids.  They will treasure that for a lifetime.

Kevin Weaver, CEO of Network211 and father of three sons, lives with his wife KyAnne in Springfield, MO. He enjoys spending time with family, hunting and watching University of Kansas basketball with his boys! He can be reached at kweaver@network211.com

Creative Summer Fun on a Budget -- Nixa Dad, Herb Cody

It’s that time of year when the kids are all out of school and my grocery bill doubles. Instead of them grabbing a pop tart on the way out the door, now they wake up expecting pancakes and eggs each morning. Rather than just trying to come up with an idea for dinner, now I’m tasked with creating a lunch menu as well. 

Besides the three meals plus snacks every couple hours, I’ve also gotta entertain my three children during the summer months. We spend the chilly months inside playing cards and board games, so that’s the last thing they want to do now. Right now, the kids are really into tossing the football around, which I love. We also enjoy getting the ball gloves out and tossing around the softballs and baseballs. 

I absolutely dislike when they sit around on their electronic devices all day, so I’m always trying to think of ways of keeping them entertained, while also not overspending. I think the “Kids Bowl Free” option at many of the local bowling locations is a fantastic thing right now. Many of the movie theaters have great matinee movie deals for the youngsters as well. 

On days when it’s rainy or miserably hot outdoors, I’ve gotta get creative with indoor activities. One of our family favorites is indoor sock golf. We pick a spot in the house to begin, and each sink in a hole to shoot for as we toss our sock balls towards each hole. Another thing we like to do as a family when stuck inside, is set up a Nerf gun shooting gallery with paper cups.

My kids love and expect dessert every night. Sometimes I make them earn it. I will set up a scavenger hunt for them to follow clues as they search for their sweet reward. 

Some of my fondest memories as a kid are of having glow in the dark ping pong gun battles, playing dodge ball and hide-and-go seek with my family. I just hope that I am able to create some memorable moments for my children as well.  

Herb Cody is a husband and father of three. He is a part time Uber driver and full time caregiver  of his spouse, who suffered a traumatic brain injury after an auto accident November, 2015. Herb loves football and is a St Louis Cardinals fanatic. He and his family live in Nixa MO. Herb can be reached for questions or comments atherbie05@yahoo.com

You can check out Herb's own blog at, www.thecodylife.weebly.com

"When Can We Go Fishing?"

Baseball. Ice Cream. Apple Pie. Each is part of an all-American summer for many dads and kids, but there’s another activity many dad, granddads and kids enjoy all over the country—fishing. If you talk to Ron Hartman, father of two grown children, you’ll discover it’s an important part of the “retirement research” he’s doing. A retired pharmacist, Ron claims he has worked for 50 years and finally discovered something he is really good at—a retirement that includes fishing and golf.

Over the years, Ron has developed many happy memories with his kids associated with fishing. He says his daughter was only six-months old when she went on her first camping and canoe outing. When his kids were preschoolers, he and his wife got them in a canoe and went down the river.

Not yet a grandfather, these days Ron devotes some of his fishing time to helping other people’s kids and grand-kids learn to love fishing. He has a few pointers for dads who want to encourage this activity in their children.

1.  When you fish with kids, the dad doesn’t fish. You put your attention on the kids, bait the hook, untangle the line, make it easy. Ron suggests using live bait, namely worms.

2.   Don’t overdo it. On a float trip, stop a lot and allow the kids to explore. Ron says that they especially enjoyed catching live bait, like minnows, in the shallows. Crawdads were also a favorite for his family. Lures are more appropriate for older children.

3.  Try to use decent equipment. Ron advised avoiding, “old junky stuff that doesn’t work right” in favor of good, but not expensive equipment.

4.   Rivers, lakes, streams and ponds are all possibilities for fishing with kids. Use the option that works best for you and your child.

5.   Both canoes and kayaks are choices for river fishing. Ron prefers a canoe because, he says, “I take a lot of stuff.” Both water craft may also often be rented at a public river access.

Although it’s clear Ron loves fishing, if you talk with him much you also see how much he loves nature. He appreciates nature and sharing that love with a child. According to Ron, “They can learn a lot, just by being outside.”

Ron emphasizes the importance of listening to a child, not lecturing, when the two are together. He values the quiet time of just being together noticing the wildlife, enjoying the outdoors without the interruption of electronic stimuli. Ron emphasizes, “Fishing is not a video game. It’s the real thing.”

If you want a real-life experience with your child this summer, consider taking them fishing. It’s likely to be a great memory-making experience for both of you.