As
Americans, we tend to proudly raise our children with the wonderful knowledge
that ours is indeed a free country. From the time our offspring are
preschoolers, we tell them they can be anything they want to be, do anything
they want to do. It’s inspiring. It’s encouraging. However, while we all enjoy
the freedoms afforded us by so many who have gone before us, as well as those
serving our country today, the idea of telling our kids they can do anything
they want needs to be a lesson learned with loving limits.
I’m not
saying we squash our kids’ creativity, imagination, or desires to succeed. I’m
just saying that while we gradually turn the keys of their lives over to them,
we make sure they understand that the guardrails, caution signs, and even
“highway patrolmen” are there for their well-being. While growing up, my wife
and I loved to share with the boys a quote we picked up somewhere along the
way, “Freedom doesn’t mean you should choose do what you want…rather it means
you have the power and opportunity to choose what is right.” That definition of freedom has gone a long
way to shape their thinking as they walked through their formative years.
But, how do
we raise children to become adults who greatly use and enjoy their freedoms,
while simultaneously honor and appreciate them? Ironically, the word that must
be coupled with freedom would appear to be its antagonist: limits. And I would
like to add the adjective “loving” to the term limits. With some thought and
care, we can teacher our kids the loving and beneficial limits to living free.
The current
tenor of politics aside, two of the areas adults often see an abuse of freedom
falls into those of finances and relationships. It’s easy to see how that
happens in a culture in which we have a 20 trillion-dollar national debt and
divorce statistics are at an all-time high. But, what about on a “kid-level?” Shouldn’t
these things be addressed early on, in order to give them the best tools and
perspectives possible, later on? Let’s break it down, child-style.
Finances. I’m most certain that when our boys
were small, they believed that as long as there were checks in Mommy &
Daddy’s checkbook (remember those?) that there was a limitless amount of money
in the bank. I chuckle to think of that, but then quickly remember that there
are many college students who still think this way, and if that doesn’t change,
they become adults who can never manage their finances, often experiencing unnecessary
strain in an area they could have better controlled and subsequently
enjoyed.
So, what can we do? Well,
perhaps we can start when they are little, giving them small tasks to mimic the
actual work they will need to have one day, and also in giving them
compensation for completing those tasks. Every family has to figure out the
details of teaching kids financial management on their own. Every family values
different things, and has to create their plan to instruct their kids. My
wife’s parents didn’t drive the newest cars or believe in keeping up with the
neighbors in fashion or “toys” (boats, motorcycles, etc.), but they were very
committed to family vacations and their children’s educations. On the latter,
that did not mean they could select any college in the land, but with planning
and preparation, some financial support would be there to assist them.
When it
came time to raise our own family, my wife and I decided that vacations and
family experiences were of the most importance, but we encouraged the boys to
find ways to pay for their own education. In addition, they paid for their own
cars, taxes, tags, and insurance. Friends of ours often gasped at the concepts,
but our now grown sons constantly are telling us that they are so glad they
learned the power and reward of hard work and responsibility, early on. All of this to say, we would never let them
starve in college, or leave them stranded with a blown-up engine on the
highway, but figuring out how to teach our kids the limits of financial freedom
. . . with love . . . is critical.
The other
area of understanding loving limits, greatly affects our children’s
relationships. With ever-increasing instances of bullying and the rhetoric in
our nation via social media and politics, it is more important than ever to
help our kids understand the responsibility they have to others in
relationships. While I believe relationships are far more important than
finances, I can boil it down in a far more succinct manner. Quite simply: we
must model and guide our sons and daughters to enter into relationships
understanding that they need to care for the other people in them as much as
they do themselves.
Ultimately, they need to value themselves, especially when
a relationship turns unhealthy or potentially harmful to them, and also value
others. How do you pass that on? One
easy to understand paradox we tried to pass along to our boys. When you care about others, and serve others
needs before your own, it pays dividends that are priceless. A lesson we can all practice a little more I
think!
Kevin Weaver, CEO of Network211 and father of three sons, lives with his wife KyAnne in Springfield, MO. He enjoys spending time with family, hunting and watching University of Kansas basketball with his boys! He can be reached at kweaver@network211.com
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