Monday, December 11, 2017

Leading the Way by Giving Back -- Nixa Dad, Herb Cody


Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. As a kid, my Mom worked very hard, and though we didn't have a lot, she always made sure we had a wonderful Christmas morning. As much as I loved opening Christmas presents, I equally enjoyed watching others unwrap the gifts I had gotten for them. My grandma would always give me a few dollars, and I'd go shop for a gift for my mother. No matter how terrible the gift, she would always act as if it was the greatest thing she had ever gotten. 

Now that I am a father of three, I try to show the same enthusiasm for each gift I receive from them. I have also tried to show them that Christmas should be more about giving than receiving. With kids, words don't always sink in, so you have to lead by example. Each fall, we have our closet clean out. I tell the kids to find all the clothes and toys they don't wear or play with so that we can donate to kids who do not have as much. They have actually begun to look forward to it.

Each year, my wife and I adopt a family through "Least of These,” here in Nixa, for the holidays. Last year my daughter had an assignment in one of her junior high classes. The idea was to do something to make the world better. She came to me and asked if she could adopt a family. She wanted to wrap gifts to earn money and ask for donations from others to help a family in need. I was so proud of her. She accepted a single mother with three children as her family to help out. My daughter was able to get everything from the want list. We personally delivered the gifts to the family, and my daughter loved it so much, she said, "Dad, I'm gonna do this every year." 



My daughter’s 14th birthday was this past July. For her birthday party, she asked that everyone donate gift cards, toys, kids clothing or cash, so she could adopt a family again this year. 

We have begun to keep care bags in our vehicle during the winter. My boys love to look for people they think may be homeless and in need of food or water. If we see someone, they enjoy handing out the bags. 

You don't have to make monetary donations or buy things to help people. I donate a lot of time to various organizations, not only to help others, but to lead by example, and encourage the joy of giving to my children. 

Herb Cody is a husband and father of three. He is a part-time Uber driver and full-time caregiver for his spouse, who suffered a traumatic brain injury after an auto accident November 2015. Herb loves football and is a St Louis Cardinals fanatic. He and his family live in Nixa MO. Herb can be reached for questions or comments at herbie05@yahoo.com


You can check out Herb's own blog at, www.thecodylife.weebly.com

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Promoting Generosity in Children* -- Springfield Father--Jeffrey Sippy


My wife recently bought me a book of quotations from Mother Teresa of Calcutta.  If you can find such a book I encourage you to get one.  Teach your children to be generous the same way you teach them anything.    

Children are amazing. They can be taught amazing things.  Children can be taught to kick a soccer ball, set a volleyball, and hit a golf ball.  Children can be taught to play the violin, skate forward and backward, and operate a handheld electronic device.  Children can also be taught to be generous and to put the needs of others before their own.  Children can be taught to appreciate what they have.  Children can be taught to share.        
If our children are going to be generous then generosity needs to be the lifestyle and cultural value of our home.  Generosity does not just happen by wishing or wanting it.  Generosity needs to be as high a passion and priority as the other high passions and priorities of your life.  Generosity takes work and effort.               

Mother Teresa was a generous woman.  We need to highlight and profile generous people in our children’s life.  Children look up to pro athletes, actors and actresses, and musicians.  Children should also be encouraged to look up to generous people.   

There used to be a commercial with Michael Jordan.  The jingle went like this: “I want to be, I want to be, I want to be like Mike.”  Can you imagine children wanting to be like Mother Teresa or someone like her?        



Ask yourself right now, “What kind of person do you want your child to grow up to be?”  Would you like your children to be good at sports or music, math or science?  What if you were to say, “I want my child to be a generous person.”  

For you and me to raise generous children requires more than a casual conversation or a handful of change in the Salvation Army bucket at Christmas.  We need to help our children set tangible and sacrificial goals with clear objectives that benefit others in need.  Our children will benefit from knowing that they are blessed beyond measure and that their generosity makes a difference in the lives of others.      



Here are three ways I have taught my children to be generous.  I want to stress, however, that generosity is not just doing projects and generous things. Generosity is being a generous person from the inside out. 
 
1.    At birthdays, do not have children bring gifts for your child. Rather, pick a charity or a disaster relief and have children bring monetary gifts or food items to be given away.

2.    Have your children mow lawns or shovel the snow off walks for free.


3.   Teach your children to budget their money with a set percentage always to be given away.   Start small, like 1 or 2 % with the objective of reaching a goal of 5% or 10% or more. 

Children watch what we do more than listen to what we say. Teach with both actions and words to effectively promote generosity in your children.

*    This post first appeared on the Good Dads blog December 5, 2016. We liked it so much, we thought it worth repeating. 

      Jeff Sippy, a Dad-In-Training, is the father of three young men and the husband of Cindy. He enjoys sailing every chance that he gets. He is the senior pastor at Redeemer Lutheran in Springfield, MO and can be reached for question or comment at jsippy@rlcmail.org


Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Why is a Woman the Founder of Good Dads? -- Dr. Jennifer Baker, Founder and Director of Good Dads


It happened again this week. Someone called and requested the opportunity to come by and talk about why I was involved with starting Good Dads. Why would a woman who is a mother and grandmother attempt to launch such a challenging program focused on men?

Some days I ask myself the same question. Way more than once or twice, when I was going through a particularly discouraging period, I thought about letting it go . . . giving it up . . . moving on to something easier and less frustrating. From time to time friends and family have made similar suggestions. This is not to say they are barriers in terms of caring about strong families (they do care, I know), but rather that it’s not always easy to comprehend why healthy relationships are so important to our well-being.

Detroit, Michigan“How often do you have to have sex to get pregnant?” 
When I landed my first teaching job at a high school in Detroit, Michigan, I had the opportunity to teach the first ever “Family Life and Child Development” class to be offered in that school. Although it was an elective, enrollment for the class maxed out with a good proportion of both male and female students. When the class period ended, students followed me down the hall asking questions about relationships and family life. I wondered why this critical area of life—one more central to most students’ lives than geometry or English literature—received so little attention. I stay at it because I believe students today, just like those 30+ years ago, still want to know how to have a happy, secure future with someone they love.

Southern Illinois:  “I wish my daddy wouldn’t drink so much.”  
As a second grade teacher in a small town in southern Illinois, I saw my students’ progress impacted by how their parents’ relationship. If the parents were able to provide a safe and stable home, the children did well. If they were unable to do this, the children struggled. It occurred to me then that if I really wanted to do something of lasting consequence for children, I would need to work with their parents. Unfortunately, most of our work with school-age parents focuses on “parenting skills,” with little attention paid to strengthening the adult relationship. I stay at it because I believe children do better in school when both fathers and mothers can provide a stable home in which they can grow and develop.

Northern Illinois:  “I hate it when my mommy and daddy fight.”
Working as a family therapist, I witnessed how much and how often both children and adults suffered as the result of poor communication, inadequate conflict resolution skills, and unhealthy relationship choices. I observed just how regularly children were privy either to their parents’ screaming matches or their long, cold, stony silences. I sat with clients when marriages ended through the sadness of betrayal and the defeat of divorce. In some cases it was necessary; in many, it was not. I keep at it because I continue to see the need for resources and skills that serve as a proactive measure against family dissolution.



Springfield, Missouri:
Why Good Dads? After years of teaching, advanced degrees, clinical work, and supervision experience, I came to the conclusion that reaching men, especially fathers, was a critical factor to almost any sustained success we might have in improving outcomes for children.  We can accomplish things without dads, but it’s harder. If we can help dads feel more successful in their role, more engaged with their children, I believe it will make a world of difference.


Dr. Jennifer L. Baker is a clinical psychologist and the founder of Good Dads, Inc. She can be reached for question or comment at jennifer@gooddads.com.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Making Time for Extended Family -- Springfield Dad -- Kevin Weaver


As dads, we daily think about and focus on our immediate family. But, when the holidays hit, thoughts also wander to the whereabouts and well being of extended family and friends. It isn’t that we don’t care about those we love, not living in our houses, taking extra long showers, and eating all of our food, but something about the holidays makes us think of all those we cherish.

For our brood, “extended” has extra meaning. By “extra,” we mean, “extended family and extra family we’ve adopted along the way.” Our boys are grown and yet blessed to have all of their grandparents still living. In addition, they have a plethora of aunts, uncles, cousins, and now, in-laws, nieces, and nephews to love. That stated, while growing up, they spent many years and countless holidays far from extended family. And that is where the “extras” came in.


“Extras” were not second-class stand-ins, nor did they take the precious places of “blood” family back home. Our boys just learned early on that the heart could always miraculously make more room for love. So, with all of this family and “extra” family, how does one build bonds that stand the test of time, distance, and stages of life? As with anything related to family, and especially to raising kids, it takes intentionality and work.

Making time for extended family “back home,” as we labeled it, was harder 20 years ago than it is today. At first, our boys quickly yelled, “Hi, Grandma!” or “Hi, Uncle Tony!” into the phone on a Sunday afternoon call. When the cell phone made its way into our lives, things got markedly easier. My wife would pick the kids up from school, and if one had done particularly well on a spelling test, both grandmas – the one in Texas and the one in Kansas - would hear the good news before the car pulled into our home’s driveway. Those little efforts kept far-off family a constant in our children’s lives. During the summer, especially as our boys hit upper elementary, we made sure they went back to “the lake” and “the farm” in the Midwest, to visit respective grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Though they saw many of their cousins only once, or maybe twice a year, those summer weeks with the “gang” fostered a bond that is clearly seen in the relationship of cousins now in their 20’s and 30’s, with families of their own.


Some of you may be thinking, “Well, that’s all very lovely. But, you lived far from extended family, I live within a 30-mile radius of all of mine and the holidays can quickly become a hassle. Christmas brunch one place, then we rush for lunch at another. By that evening, we are all frazzled and our kids just wish for a Christmas at home. Just once.” Adding to this scenario, many of us may have divorced parents and grandparents, contributing to the number of extended family members to see. While you can’t have too many people to love, or to love your children, making time for so many can cause a lot of unwelcomed stress in an already hectic season.

Though my wife and I have never personally experienced the tugging around the holidays, we are now in-laws and are navigating the waters of “sharing” our kids and grandkids.


I am happy to say that so far, making time for family and extended family has still not been a huge issue. But, we all have had to come to terms with the thought of making our time together special, no matter where, when, or how long it is. To make time for all those you love, you have to truly love at the deepest level, which to most of us means some sort of sacrifice. Making time for one another means something or someone typically will have to give. And truly, isn’t that what family is all about? Happy Thanksgiving, with the emphasis on “giving.” Give your time, love, and flexibility this holiday season. In my humble opinion, expressing that kind of love will make you a great dad no matter what stage of life you find yourself in.

Kevin Weaver, CEO of Network211 and father of three sons, lives with his wife KyAnne in Springfield, MO. He enjoys spending time with family, hunting and watching University of Kansas basketball with his boys! He can be reached at kweaver@network211.com

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Making Time for Extended Family -- Springfield Father and Grandfather, Mark Mildren


 I am a big believer in the importance of extended family: grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and in-laws. When I graduated from seminary at Southern Methodist University I could have gone many places to pursue my ministry. The Pacific Northwest had a shortage of Methodist pastors and was advertising. Texas would have been a really good place to put down roots as Texas Methodism is like nowhere else. But I returned to Missouri for one basic reason: to be close to Lynda’s and my parents. We wanted our children to grow up having as good of a relationship with their grandparents as we did with ours. And we wanted to be with our parents as long as possible.
               
Both Lynda and I had close relationships with our grandparents. Mine lived in Neosho, and hers lived in Southwest City. We both consider time spent with grandparents was critical in having a happy childhood. Lynda’s father died two years after our second child was born, so, unfortunately, our kids didn’t get to know their maternal grandfather. But otherwise, both of our kids got to spend a great deal of time with their grandparents.  My parents and Lynda’s mother were excellent grandparents who loved their grandchildren. And our kids loved visiting them. They both look back fondly at their grandparents who have all passed away. How does having grandparents actively present in your children’s lives matter? It gives them a sense of their family history, family values, why their parents turned out the way they did, and grandparents can reinforce their parents in passing on of family values. My father’s amazing story of being shot down over France, hidden by the French Underground, the capture by the Gestapo in his escape attempt, the interrogation and torture in the notorious Fresne Prison in Paris, being a prisoner of war for two years in Stalag Luft 1 and then being liberated by the Russians and then by Jimmy Doolittle is one they are both immensely proud of. My children have a unique connection to the second World War that they, in turn, will pass on to their children. Extended family can give us a sense of history and our place within it.
               

Over the past five years, I have been reconnecting with my favorite cousin who lives in California. For forty years we had only seen each other once in 1987. I think we both realized that we needed to stay in touch even though our parents had died. She and her husband have visited Missouri twice, and we have been to see her and her husband twice. We plan on keeping our visits up as long as we can. Her parents were my favorite aunt and uncle. Growing up we were together often. Now that we are both in our late 60’s, this sense of family has become more important.
               
Not too long ago one’s extended family lived nearby and were active in helping to raise children. Then Americans moved away from their families to find good jobs, and that sense of connection to extended family was frayed. Both Lynda and I believe that extended family is extremely important. Now that we are the oldest members we want to spend time with our kids and their children. It takes some effort to do that as our children live in Kansas and Michigan now but we treasure our time with them. We hope that our grandkids will love us as we loved our grandparents. The only way that will happen is if we make time for it.


Mark Mildren, retired Methodist minister, is the father of two and grandfather of three. He serves as the faith-community liaison for Good Dads and can be reached for question or comment at mark@gooddads.com.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Making Time for Extended Family -- Nixa Father of Three -- Herb Cody


People often say that nothing is more important than family. If you believe that, then ask yourself if your actions demonstrate that belief.  If not, you always have time to make changes, especially when it comes to spending time with extended family.

Often, we allow life to get in the way of prioritizing time with our loved ones, whom we are unable to see each day. Work schedules, school events, practices and sporting events seem to consume the lives of those with children. I'm as guilty of this as anyone. My parents and brother live 45 minutes from me, while my sister is 20 minutes away, yet I see them maybe once a month. 

My family and extended family are very good about getting together for the birthdays of our children. My mom and sister are great about getting the cousins together to do different things during the summer, such as bowling, movies, theme parks etc. My kids have a great relationship with extended family because of this.



Another fun thing my children used to do when they were younger, was to create and mail "Happy Birthday" cards for members of our extended family. My kids loved making them, and I know those who received them, enjoyed it just as much. 

During the holiday season, we have a set routine which has become a tradition. I think that having the same set plan for the holidays is beneficial for all. This alleviates some level of stress for parents. Each year, we spend Thanksgiving at my Grandpa's home, then the ladies go shopping. Christmas Eve is spent at my sister's home, then everyone comes to our place Christmas afternoon. It works out great for our family, which are for the most part, in close proximity. Obviously, spending time with extended family who are hours or states away becomes much more difficult. 



We all decide the things that we enjoy and are important to us—going to the gym, running, playing a round of golf, hunting or going to the spa, We are always able to find time to do the things we love, so making time for those who we love shouldn't be difficult. 

Herb Cody is a husband and father of three. He is a part-time Uber driver and full-time caregiver of his spouse, who suffered a traumatic brain injury after an auto accident November 2015. Herb loves football and is a St Louis Cardinals fanatic. He and his family live in Nixa MO. Herb can be reached for questions or comments at herbie05@yahoo.com


You can check out Herb's own blog at www.thecodylife.weebly.com

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Good Granddads and Grandmas -- Springfield Father & Grandfather -- Rev. Kenneth L. Chumbley


I didn’t know my grandfathers, but I certainly knew my grandmothers.

I grew up being close to them, not always geographically but always emotionally and relationally.

Today, many decades after their deaths, I still remember them vividly, mostly because of their cooking. 

When I was a university student, I used to eat lunch occasionally with my Grandmother Chumbley—“Grams,” as I called her.

I’d often go by her house between my classes. We’d sit in her tiny kitchen, eat ham sandwiches on Roman Meal Bread and sip sugary iced tea. I’d tell her about what I was learning. I’d listen to her stories of growing up on a farm in Tennessee. And at the end of the meal, I’d dig into her lemon meringue pie, my favorite dessert. It was a taste of heaven, as was her company. She’d let me eat as much of the pie as I wanted, even the whole thing. 

I looked forward to lunches with Grams. She loved me, as did my Grandmother Bodner, who also made delicious food, including homemade cabbage biscuits and noodles. Her Germanic background was most visible, or edible, in the kitchen and at the dinner table. At supper, she often enjoyed a small glass of beer, a taste I never acquired. (There are limits to grandparental influence.)  And she told stories of trudging through the Great Depression and the 1937 Flood, which devastated parts of my hometown of Louisville, Ky.

My grandmothers made a deep, enduring impression on me. I am who I am in part because of them.

And now I am a grandfather. 





My granddaughters, June and Christa, are growing up with my wife Penny and me as a big part of their lives, and we’re aware that we’re shaping them—their personalities, their values, their lives.

In some way, we’ll live on in them after these earthly bodies of ours are dust, just as Grandmothers Chumbley and Bodner live on in me and just as my grandfathers live on in me through the stories I heard about them from my grandmothers, my parents and my aunts and uncles. 

What might June and Christa remember about me in 20 or 30 years?

First, what they won’t remember is Poppy, their name for me, an Episcopal priest and rector, praying prayers of thanksgiving at their births as I held them or of me baptizing them as infants. 

What they might remember, instead, is that Christmas dinner when I discovered a wriggling green worm in the broccoli, dangled it above my open mouth and then, after a few seconds of suspense, dropped it in, just for the pure silliness of the act.  I remember: “Poppy!” they yelled in unison.

I hope they remember our doing Taekwondo together on Saturdays; our games of tag in the park on Sunday afternoons; doing homework at the kitchen table; playing Chinese checkers; reading stories before naps and at bedtime; vacation visits to our Kentucky family; Grammy’s and my sitting in the audience at their school band and choir performances.

They’ll remember, I pray: singing in our church’s junior choir, with me, “Father Poppy,” as they sometimes call me, looking on and listening to their young voices raised in the praise of God;  helping me at the altar and sometimes, long after the church had emptied of worshipers, standing there and saying (or sometimes singing) the Communion prayers from memory, just as I had said them earlier from the altar book.

As God is molding us humans more fully into his image and likeness, so Father Poppy and Grammy, an extension of God’s hands, are molding June and Christa into the image and likeness of God. With God’s help, we’re forming our girls for an earthly life of happiness, meaning and purpose and preparing them for heaven, where one day we shall be together again. Eternally.


And what fun we shall have. With or without wriggling green worms.


The Rev. Kenneth L. Chumbley is Rector of Christ Episcopal Church. You can write him at ken@christepiscopalchurch.com. Read him at www. onepriestsblog.blogspot.com