What does it mean to “show love?” Hugs, kisses, kind words, not pestering
someone incessantly with questions, or telling someone, “I love you”? As a Dad
of three young children (ages 9, 9 and 5), I’m constantly learning more from my
kids on this subject than I ever thought possible.
My sons are a little more reserved, and that
could be due to their age, gender, or their shy personalities. But they still have the biggest, goofiest, most
charming smiles reflecting in their eyes and hearts when we’re having a good
time together.
The thing learned from my kids is when they are
joyful, their whole body, voice, and posture all change in an explosion that
can’t be missed. It’s obvious when they
love someone. They don’t hide it.
Are all children born like this?
Maybe kids have a natural ability to show
unapologetic, unrestrained love and affection from birth. However, sadly, research has shown that not
all children display affection as easily as my children. Kids who grow up in abusive homes learn to
keep their distance from adults and each other, probably to avoid getting hurt
or disappointed. Perhaps one too many bad
episodes poison their ability to openly show love.
I’m not an expert in child psychology, but I have
observed families that are healthy and non-abusive, but where Dad and Mom are
more reserved in showing affection. Their children, as well, are more reserved
and less likely to explode into open displays of love. I can only conclude that what we Dads and
Moms show them in our homes matters.
In past posts on finances and generosity, I’ve
mention the phrase, “More is caught than taught” applies to children. We can tell them to be loving, but they learn
by observing more than anything. When I give my wife a hug, a kiss on the
check, a back rub, or just sit quietly beside her, I model a healthy outward
display of love to my kids. They see
this and absorb it. On the other hand,
on occasions when I am agitated, quick-tempered, or emotionally cold with my
wife, the kids tended to act out more.
Dads teach by doing. Teaching by preaching may work with math or
sports, but not so much with love and affection.
Saying “I Love You”
February is Valentine’s month. As a husband and father, I recognize that
saying “I love you” with chocolate, flowers, or a thoughtful gift can happen
any time of the year. It can also happen
when I do the dishes for my wife after a well-cooked meal, or even a
not-so-well-cooked meal. When I open the
door for her or help pick up when the kids come roaring in after a Saturday
afternoon outdoor adventure, I’m showing my kids my “I love you.” When I turn
off the TV, put aside the laptop, and invest my time and interest in whatever
activity they are interest in, I’m showing my kids “I love you.”
Board games?
Yes, I can play kids Monopoly with the best. Discussing the latest “mods” to the popular
game Minecraft? A must for any parent
who has a kid connected to the Internet.
But most importantly, it happens when I say, “I
love you” every day. I tell my wife and
kids each day, “I love you” accompany the words with a hug and a light
kiss. Words are powerful, and so is
repetition. The children are watching,
learning, and imitating me. That’s a
powerful thought and encouragement to remember that showing love starts with
me.
Sid Whiting is the father of three and the husband of one. He lives with his wife Gail and their children in Springfield, Missouri. He also enjoys real estate investing, serving in the 135th Army Band as a percussionist and bass guitarist, and plays in the Praise Band "Soul Purpose" and the "Hallelujah Bells" hand bell choir. He can be reached for comment or question at sid.whiting75@gmail.com or on Facebook (www.facebook.com/WiseSteward).
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