I
recently saw a cartoon that compared and contrasted a young man’s first day of
kindergarten to his first day of college. In the first frame, the child was
hugging a tree and yelling, “I don’t want to go!” while the mom tugged at her
son, trying to ensure he made the bus. The second frame showed the same yard,
same tree, same mom, but with a grown child walking to a car at the curb,
packed to the gills for a trek to college. The mom was running after her son
and yelling, “I don’t want you to go!” Talk about a contrast.
As
a parent of grown children, I get this. School changes a lot of things for not
only kids, but also entire families. Whether it’s preschool or a year to study
abroad, when our children leave our homes and begin to spend the bulk of their
days with others, from classmates to instructors, we face times of transition.
When
thinking of what our kids faced in heading back to school, my wife and I always
relied on the theory that we all, in
a sense, were going back to school.
Other than our first son’s first day of kindergarten, when my wife hauled our
younger two sons with her to stake out a spot across the street from the
playground in order to spy on the oldest boy to make sure all was well, we
typically haven’t gone to school with our kids. But, in addition to the
physical backpacks and supplies our kids carry, they take with them a
figurative backpack, one we have helped them pack for their entire lives. More
important than the right pencils, paper, flash drives, and markers are the
right behaviors, attitudes and overall life management skills. As we help our
children choose and pack the right supplies, we also have to keep in mind that
they are constantly watching us pack and unpack our own “backpacks.” The modeling, the investment of time, the
love, all of these things contribute to that “little voice” of ours that gets
to go back to school with our kids.
In
the hustle and bustle of the back to school rush, remember that the effects of
transition trickle both down and up in a family. While parents and grandparents
readily admit feeling these effects, we often overlook the fact that siblings
are also affected. When our eldest went off to kindergarten, our younger two
had a hard time understanding why their big brother wasn’t around to play with
throughout the day. Likewise, when our eldest went of to university, the
younger two had a hard time settling into a routine in a home that seemed
“weird” without their big brother around.
Back
to school or off to school, whatever you call it, is a transitional time in
life we all face as parents and families, sometimes on an annual basis. Some of
us will experience the phenomenon for years to come. Take heart and remember, while
you are out rummaging through the college-ruled paper bin looking for wide
ruled paper, you can also work at filling that figurative backpack. Whether
kindergarten or college, our kids need us to “go with them.”
Kevin Weaver, CEO of Network211 and father of three sons, lives with his wife KyAnne in Springfield, MO. He enjoys spending time with family, hunting and watching University of Kansas basketball with his boys! He can be reached at kweaver@network211.com.
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