Someone recently asked me how my wife and I raised sons who
are what they deemed as “givers.” Keep in mind, our family is flawed and faces
many of the challenges all families face, but when asked this question I had to
agree that giving seems to be a lifestyle for our boys. Later, when I told my
wife about the conversation and asked her what she thought the key to living a
giving lifestyle was she simply replied, “Kids can’t become givers until they
stop being takers.”
Her sentiment stuck with me for days. Our current society is
definitely one which breeds “takers.” It is fostered; it is championed; it is
cheered. Thoughts of self quite often supersede thoughts of others. When it
comes to parenting, I feel as if I am a broken record. But raising selfless,
generous kids – kids who think of others before they think of themselves –
takes teaching, training, exposure, and as always, modeling. When my boys would
fight (yes, siblings sometimes fight) and become upset over not getting what
they individually wanted, I had to ask myself about the kind of example I was
setting. Was I griping about my job? My coworkers? The fact that I wasn’t being
heard, or promoted, or lauded, or compensated, or served? And if all of this grumbling
was indeed taking place in my life, was it taking place within earshot of my
children? Conversely, were they hearing me speak of the needs of others? Were
they hearing me make plans to donate to those less fortunate or to serve, in
various capacities, my community? Were my children hearing “they” more than
“me” come from my own mouth?
For years, I thought generosity was most difficult for very
young children to understand. However, as my boys grew, I quickly realized that
while some people seem to naturally be more “giving,” training our sons and
daughters early on in the ways of generosity helps break the cycle of “me-ism”
that will certainly bombard their world in their tweens, teens and beyond. Take
a toddler to visit lonely “grandparents” in the nursing home. Let a preschooler
tag along as you ring a neighbor’s doorbell to deliver goodies. Help a first
grader make a “bank” out of an old 2 liter pop bottle, and then challenge him
or her to fill it up with change to donate in order to provide blankets for the
local homeless shelter.
Over the past couple of decades, all sorts of innovative
ideas have surfaced regarding how to give. Everything from “you purchase a pair
of shoes, a shoe-less person in another country gets a pair of shoes, too” to
“buy a goat for a family in a far-off village for your Christmas” have brought
awareness and “care-ness” to homes all across our country. There is no shortage
of things that can be given, just a shortage of parents willing to take the
time to make sure their kids get the opportunity to give.
In this season of giving, I am inspired by the words of
Martin Luther King Jr. and Winston S. Churchill. May you be inspired as well.
“As my sufferings
mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my
situation—either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering
into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”
Martin Luther King Jr.
“We make a living by
what we get. We make a life by what we give.”
Winston S. Churchill
Kevin Weaver, CEO of Network211 and father of three sons, lives with his wife KyAnne in Springfield, MO. He enjoys spending time with family, hunting and watching University of Kansas basketball with his boys! He can be reached at kweaver@network211.com
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