I am a 67-year-old grandfather, married to one woman, Lynda, for
almost 45 years. I have a 38-yr-old daughter and a 36-year-old son. Both are
happily married and each has children. I am proud of my family, and the fact
both of our kids have turned out to be successful in their individual lives.
Lynda and I waited to have children for six years
after getting married. We wanted for me to finish seminary education at SMU and
for us to have some time married before having children. And we wanted, if
possible, to have a son and a daughter. Our plans worked out pretty well!
Our hopes for our children to make it on their own
have been fulfilled. They have found intelligent mates to marry. They have
their own homes, and they work hard at parenting. How did our kids turn out so
well?
I reflected on that question this week. There is no
single thing that created them becoming good people, but rather many things. It
began with us wanting to have children, and waiting for a good time where we
could more easily care for them. Lynda was a stay-at-home mom until both kids
were in grade school, so she could devote her full attention to them. Once in
grade school, she just worked part-time so she could send the kids off to
school in the morning, and be home when they got out of school. That was very
intentional. We could have used the extra money if she had worked full time,
but we both thought it would be better for the kids to do it this way.
At dinner time we sat at the table together and
talked about the day. Mealtime became an important part of our family routine.
Lynda was awesome in helping the kids with homework as they grew older. On
Sundays we all went to church together, and all of us went to Sunday school. As
a pastor that was just expected, but had I not been a pastor we would have done
the same. That’s the way it was when I grew up in my family. I realized that
being a pastor greater scrutiny would be given to our kids by parishioners. We
heard plenty of stories of rebellious preacher’s kids! We wanted to make our
home life as normal as possible and not put greater pressure on our kids to
conform to some image of what a “preacher’s kid” should look like. I think we
did pretty good on that score.
The first half of my ministry my salary wasn’t too
great, but we saved so we could always take a relaxing, week-long vacation somewhere
nice, either in Florida or in Colorado. We still talk about those road trips
and how much fun they were. Likewise, we took our kids to appropriate movies we
could all watch together, like E.T. or Back to the Future. We lived close to
the kids’ grandparents and decided to live in Missouri just for that reason. We
wanted our children to really know their grandparents. That, too, had a
significant effect with our children who grew up loving their grandparents, and
extended family of aunts, uncles, and cousins.
I think our kids turned out very well because we
invested ourselves in their lives while they lived at home. We taught our
values to them, and demonstrated those values in everyday living. Perhaps one
of the greatest gifts we gave to our kids was a stable and loving marriage that
Elizabeth and James could observe every day. I cannot overstate how important
that is! While many people in their thirties have rejected church, both of ours
attend United Methodist churches in Kansas and Michigan. I am very happy
knowing that. In mostly little ways we became a close family that loves being
together. The investments were worth it!
Mark Mildren, father of two adults children and grandfather of three, is a retired Methodist minister. He spends part of almost every week working at Good Dads. He can be reached for question or comment at mark@gooddads.com.
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