When it comes to helping our kids become socially adequate as
they learn to make friends and understand how to be a good one, we lose some of
our protective capabilities. I have three children, two boys and one teenage
daughter. All three of them have their own personality, and definitely interact
with others in their own way.
My 14-year-old daughter has always been a bit reserved. She will
sit back, observe, and wait for others to approach her. Once she gets to know
someone, or a group of people, she breaks out of her shell and becomes very
outgoing. The thing about girls, it seems, is they can have a best friend one
week, and the next week, that bestie is a mortal enemy. The one thing I try to
instill in all my kids, is to be nice to everyone. If they see someone
struggling to make friends, I want them to be the one that approaches that person,
regardless of what their friends may say or think.
My twelve-year-old son struggled to make friends early on in
school. It wasn't until we figured out he had issues with ADD, that he was able
to turn things around. Before he began taking medication, he had a short fuse
with kids his own age. He was also very spastic, so not all kids knew how to
take him. When children would refuse his friendship requests, he would resort
to threatening them. On one occasion, he told a young boy he was gonna stab him
with his pen. I'll never forget the time I was called by the school, because my
son got angry with one of his peers, pulled his pants down on the playground,
and tried to pee on the poor kid. That was pretty much the last straw. We knew
we had to see a doctor. Once he was diagnosed and began taking medication, he
made friends much easier, and was able to deal with his emotions in a better
way.
My youngest, who is six, seems to be doing fine when it comes to
making friends. The problem is, he doesn't seem to understand how to
differentiate from the way he and his older brother act and speak to one
another, compared to the way he should interact with his friends. Just this
evening, while at Mighty Mites football practice, he found out a friend from
his class was on the team. I watched as they did drills together and laughed
and had fun. The lady standing next to me noticed and started talking to me.
She happened to be the grandmother of my son's buddy.
The boys were doing tackling drills on a dummy, when my son
suddenly took his mouth piece out and yelled, "Hey Dad, this is my friend,
and well . . . he . . . he . . . just watch him . . . he really . . . uhhh . .
. " As he struggled to come up with the words he wanted to express, in my
mind I was thinking, "Please say something positive, please say something
kind, please tell me how awesome this kid is!"
Instead, I got, "Dad, watch him . . . he really
SUCKS!" I didn't wanna overreact, but I also didn't want him to think that
was ok to say. I immediately pointed at him to come to me. He saw the look in
my eyes, and knew he had made a mistake. I explained to him how inappropriate
his comment was and demanded he apologize to his buddy and his
Grandmother.
The best advice I could give to a parent regarding their child's
ability to make friends, would be to set up play dates with different kids when
they are young. Be there to observe and coach them. As they get older and meet
new people in school, be available when they are ready to talk about any issues
that may come up. Also, if you have a young daughter, the complex world of
female teenage drama, is a never ending discussion.
Herb Cody is a husband
and father of three. He is a part time Uber driver and full time
caregiver of his spouse, who suffered a traumatic brain injury after an
auto accident November, 2015. Herb loves football and is a St Louis Cardinals
fanatic. He and his family live in Nixa MO. Herb can be reached for questions
or comments at herbie05@yahoo.com
You can check out Herb's own blog at, www.thecodylife.weebly.com
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