Friends. Regardless of what any human of any age, from any walk of
life might say, they’re kind of a big deal. As parents, when it comes to
navigating the waters of friendship with our children, it can seem like an even
bigger deal. Outside of our relationships with our offspring, the relationships
they forge with peers often prove to be the most influential. Many of us
parents bring our own memories of being everything from last picked for recess
kickball to being bully-like King or Queen Bees. All of our experiences tend to
greatly shape how we want to get in, or possibly even avoid, the entire process
with our kids.
In this age of mind-blowing technological advances, easy
computer/device access, and social media, merely drawing personal relationship
realities from our own growing-up years may prove to be a bit lacking. We may
find ourselves having to add to our “how to make and keep the right friends”
toolboxes. On the 21st Century side of things, it is wise to be as aware as
possible of cell phone activity and any involvement your child may have on the
internet. But as we stay in tune with the “friend” environment, a greater
concern may arise in, “What should we be most concerned about when it comes to
our children interacting with other people?”
I know some may be thinking, “Wait. Is this all there is now? I
get that tweens and teens are ‘friending’ in some ways we parents didn’t. But,
I have very young kids. What about them? In addition to that, what about
all of the elements of friendship that don't involve electronics? Those still
have to exist. Right?”
They do. And we know this because they exist in our own, “big people”
relationships. Just as our children are unique individuals - some outgoing,
some more reserved - the attributes of our human expression in developing
friendships as adults are much the same. At times, the answers to the questions
we have regarding the types of friendships our young make and keep, can be
found in our own. As with all things parenting, modeling behaviors is a
powerful thing. What kinds of friends do we have as parents? What kinds of
friend making and keeping skills are little eyes watching us exhibit? Do we
have healthy friendships? Do our kids observe us being good friends? Do we
allow ourselves to enable adult friends? Do we allow ourselves to be pulled
into full-sized drama? We love to roll our aging eyes at 12-year-old girls and
their dramatic relationship antics, but sometimes we have to stop rolling our
peepers long enough to understand that many junior high issues don’t always get
resolved in junior high. One thing that
I have discovered as a dad is that I can never give my kids something I don’t
already possess myself. So, if my own, current
inter-personal interactions with the people in my life don’t reflect healthy
friendships, it makes it pretty hard for me to guide my children along their
way.
What kinds of friends do you want your kids to make and keep? What
kinds of friends do your kids want to make and keep? How can you be on the same
page in this crazy digital world? Here
are a few suggestions:
- Talk to your kids.
- Listen to your kids.
- Share your own experiences with your kids.
- Be involved in and aware of the things involving the
technology component.
- Set the example of what healthy friendships look like.
As a parent of now-grown
children, I will have to say that there is another benefit of working hard to
model healthy relationships for your young. After all of those years of
committing to “being dad,” it is a joy to also now be “friend.”
Kevin Weaver, CEO of Network211 and father of three sons, lives with his wife KyAnne in Springfield, MO. He enjoys spending time with family, hunting and watching University of Kansas basketball with his boys! He can be reached at kweaver@network211.com
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