The Importance of Granddads -- Springfield Grandfather, Mark Mildren

I have been a grandfather for five years now. I got a little later start than other grandfathers, but eventually my kids came through and now I have three grandchildren ages five, three, and 9 months –two boys and a girl. I hope that I can be as good of a granddad as mine were to me.                                             

One grandfather died just before I was born. His wife was my grandmother Susie. I didn’t spend a lot of time with her, so I never knew her well. But my grandparents on my mother’s side were wonderful! I knew they loved me and enjoyed spending every moment with me when we were together. They taught me many things: stories about my family’s history, having a sense of humor, the love of Missouri and the importance of grandparenting. One of the simplest pleasures they instilled in me is the love of just sitting on a porch watching the day go by.

               

On my two week visits every summer with them in Neosho, we would spend hours on their front porch in the evening. Two of us would be in the porch swing, and one would sit in a folding chair nearby. We watched the goings on of their neighborhood, and we talked. Conversation never lagged. My grandmother loved poetry and as a girl and college student, memorized numerous poems which she recited to me. One in particular, fascinated me: the Ballad of Little Orphan Annie. It was spell-binding and a little scary. When they both went to work in the morning and I was left alone, I would spend a considerable amount of time in their porch swing.

               

Eventually, they left their small home and moved into a high-rise senior living apartment. They didn’t have a porch, so they didn’t need the swing anymore, but I couldn’t let it go. I brought it home with me. When I built a small log cabin from scratch, I put the swing up and found a new, pleasurable use for it. To sit in the swing brought back precious memories for me with my grandparents, and a new reason to enjoy the view from the cabin porch of the surrounding woods.

               

At our former home in West Plains we had a front and a back porch. I utilized them both. Before going to work, I would take a cup of coffee and my devotional books and read them quietly on the back porch. The back porch was raised off the ground, and had an amazing tree that wrapped around the porch on two sides. It was like a tree house. The 20 minutes alone in spiritual preparation made my day go better.

               

Now I live in Springfield and am retired. I have a covered porch in the back of the house where I now like to spend quiet time. I still do my morning devotions with a cup of coffee in hand. I have a beautiful back yard where the trees and shrubs screen out the neighbors. I watch the birds come to the feeders and the birdbath. It is quiet and peaceful and I find I can sit there for long periods of time without any difficulty. When we have company we eventually end up on the back porch for some good conversation. I trace my love of sitting on porches back to my grandparents. I remember the hours I spent with them fondly. One of the reasons I loved them so much was because of the time they shared with me in just sitting and talking.

               

One of the major decisions my wife and I made when we retired is to spend more time with our family and the grandkids. Both of us are making a conscious decision to become the grandparents to our grandkids that our grandparents were to us. We want to be familiar faces to them. We want them to grow up loving us, as we love them. We freely make this choice knowing that doing so will broaden their family experience, connect them to their own family history, and help their mothers and fathers reinforce solid values of faith and morals. And who knows, maybe we’ll produce another generation of porch sitters!

Mark Mildren, retired Methodist minister, is the father of two and grandfather of three. He serves as the faith-community liaison for Good Dads and can be reached for question or comment at mark@gooddads.com.

Freedom Isn't Free -- Jeffrey Sippy, Dad in Training

Clayton Sippy -- Software Developer, O'Reilly Automotive, Springfield, MO

My dad was a Good Dad even if he seemed backwards and out of touch at times.  When I graduated from high school in 1978 my dad said, “Well, son, you will never sleep for free again.” 

These were shocking words to me. I was a guy who had been spoon fed most of his life.  It sounded like free was disappearing for me. 

My dad went on to explain.  “You can join the service, go to college, get an apartment, or pay room and board.”  All of these options were going to cost me something. 

I opted for the room and board.  It was a painful $75 a month but considerably less than my mortgage today.   

In truth, nothing is free.  An education is not free.  Service to your country is not free.  An apartment or house is not free.  Nothing is free.  And Freedom itself is not free, either. Freedom costs us all.  If we will not pay the cost of freedom then we will pay the higher cost of slavery to ourselves and to disappointment.  
    

Aaron Sippy, Project Engineer, United Rotary Brush, Lenexa, KS

Nothing is free; not even freedom itself.  Children who are not taught this will become greatly disadvantaged.  They will become self-centered and entitled children who grow up to be angry and hopeless.  They will blame others for the circumstances of life they cannot manage or negotiate.  They will talk about how unfair life is and how stupid others are.   

Sadly, self-centered and entitled children are the uneducated ones.  What appears to be unfair is nothing other than poor education and equipping.     

Life is not fair all the time.  This doesn’t mean it is bad.  It took my son six months to get his first job.  Is this fair?  It’s life.  In contrast, my dad was out of work a half a dozen times during my childhood – sometimes months at a time.  Both of them adjusted to their situation.    

     

True freedom costs everyone.  We all must sacrifice and give in to enjoy the freedom we desire.  Or we all become slaves.  One person’s freedom should never be at the expense of another person’s freedom. 

Jason Sippy, Project Engineer, Mastercraft, Springfield, MO

For freedom to prevail we must defeat the oppressive enemy of our own selfish and entitled ways.  We must surrender ourselves to the greater good of a free society.  One person’s freedom of speech does not give him the right to yell “fire” in a theatre or to call another person a racially or sexually charged insult or name.  The freedom of religion guarantees all people the freedom of religion whether someone else’s religion is the same as yours or not.        

It is not easy being a Good Dad and it is not easy teaching your children good things.  Freedom is not a matter of doing whatever you want, whenever you want.  Rather, freedom is the power and the courage to do what is right.   

Nothing in life is free – not even freedom itself.  And that’s o.k. 

Jeff Sippy, a Dad-In-Training, is the father of three young men and the husband of Cindy. He enjoys sailing every chance that he gets. He is the senior pastor at Redeemer Lutheran in Springfield, MO and can be reached for question or comment at jsippy@rlcmail.org

Family Vacations, Road Trips & the Best Summer Ever??

“I’m tired. Let’s go back to the hotel.”

“I’m thirsty. Can’t we have something to drink?”

“My feet hurt. Let’s find a place to sit down.”

We were experiencing what many view as the ultimate vacation, but everyone was miserable. How could we be in the midst of one of America’s most frequented family vacation spots and have everyone so unhappy? Had other families had dismal Disney World experiences, or were we the only ones?

The subject of family vacations stirs up mixed emotions in people. It is one thing to look forward to time away from work and routine responsibilities. It is quite another to negotiate and tolerate the tension that constant togetherness often inspires. Given the energy expenditure involved, as well as the financial commitment required, some might even wonder whether vacations are worth the effort. What makes a vacation worthwhile, anyway? Consider the following factors.

Perhaps the first thing to remember is that all family vacations do not require hours together in an automobile. Some of the best “vacations” may occur in the backyard or close to home. They allow uninterrupted family time apart from regular routine. When children are young, these briefer, less-expensive outings often provide the most enjoyable memories.

One family made a habit of taking picnic lunches to the park in a neighboring community. Their preschool children enjoyed the novelty of eating outdoors, as well as the adventure of using unfamiliar playground equipment. The parents enjoyed a relaxed meal without worries about spilled milk and food on the floor.

As children grow, and finances allow, longer vacations may be possible and more enjoyable. These need to be planned carefully and take into account the energy levels and interests of the whole family. Whatever you decide to do, remember that stress-relief is important for both children and parents. Consider the following guidelines when planning enjoyable time together with people you love, including children:

   -- Remind yourself and your child to slow down

·         -- Plan “media free times” to play games, read and talk with each other.

·         -- Create “quiet times” for yourself and other family members.

·         -- Plan some activities that involve the whole family and focus on process, not goals.

Some of my favorite memories involve lying on my back, looking up at the stars and talking to my brother and sister. It didn’t cost anything, but the memories are priceless. Make sure you create some time for these kind of experiences to occur, as well, for your children and yourself.

Dr. Jennifer Baker is the founder and Director of Good Dads. She is the wife of one, mother of two, grandmother of eight, and a licensed clinical psychologist at Lutheran Family & Children Services. She can be reached for comment at jennifer@gooddads.com

The Best Summer Memories Ever -- Springfield Dad, Kevin Weaver

Ah, summertime. It means so many things to so many people. To kids, it is that golden window of opportunity for freedom in an otherwise long year of pencils, books, and teachers’ dirty looks. But, to parents? It can be a mixed bag.

So much of our parental view of summer ties directly to our memories of those of our own childhoods. The summers of my Michigan boyhood harken back to a slower time, one in which I stayed with my maternal grandparents on their dairy farm, helping with the milking and as I aged, joining the hay harvest crew. We worked hard, but not without rewards. There were long swims in the pond at day’s end, followed by talking to my grandfather by the moonlight on his huge (or what at the time seemed to be huge) front porch. At some point in the summer, my family would load up the old motorhome and make the 18-hour drive to my other grandparents’ retirement village in Florida. For our moderate to good behavior while in a community with not much for kids to do, my siblings and I were always rewarded towards the end of the trip with a day at Walt Disney World. While I spent more time in a RV with a screaming, little sister and an annoying little brother -- not to mention playing shuffleboard with senior citizens -- then I did at the Magic Kingdom, the good memories always won out.

Fast-forward from my childhood summers to those of my own boys during their growing up years, and a lot had changed. Or so it seemed. They didn’t grow up on or near farms, and most often we lived in or near major cities, such as Seattle or Portland. Their summer jobs ranged from shining shoes at a tux shop to mowing lawns. “Rewards” seemed to be pricier and more difficult to plan for, as there was no way they could even ride their bikes to a public pool, like their mom did when she was a kid. Add to these things the fact that sports, music, club and church activities not only didn’t shut down for a couple of months each year, but in fact just expanded, and the idea of a “slow” summer was out the window. Oh, and did I mention the weird phenomenon of parent-shaming that has cropped up since the “Go ahead, kids, and roam the neighborhood all day” non-judgmental parenting times of my 1960s and 1970s upbringing? When did summer get so hard?

Today we're faced with memories of our own childhoods, overloaded schedules, high and often unrealistic expectations. My wife and I didn’t have the fortitude to deal with it all, so we made some decisions regarding summer, pretty early on in the parenting game. First, while we accepted the fact that our kids were growing up in a different day and age – some better things, some worse – we drew some lines in our figurative beach vacation sand. If one of our boys was good enough for the NBA, he would get there without non-stop summer basketball. If one of our boys was good enough for a career in music, he would get there without a month of band camp. Each boy could choose one week of some kind of camp, and as they grew older, were able to go on missions’ trips. Baseball was played, but traveling teams got squashed after one, grueling summer of dragging brothers all over the place to get sunburned while little brother collected dirt and grass stains on his white uniform. As they hit late junior high/early high school, they got jobs. It wasn’t anything like out of Upton Sinclair’s “The Jungle,” but the jobs rather gave them a chance to fine-tune their work ethics and earn their own money. The former gave them a sense of pride, while the latter gave them an opportunity to learn to value and manage properly.

And finally, as often as we could save to make happen, we made the trek to Disney World (or Land, if closer.) Oh, I promise you that more time was spent with brothers fighting while waiting in line than actually on the ride, yet the boys now somehow only remember the good.

Maybe, just maybe, my childhood summers and theirs weren’t so different after all.

Kevin Weaver, CEO of Network211 and father of three sons, lives with his wife KyAnne in Springfield, MO. He enjoys spending time with family, hunting and watching University of Kansas basketball with his boys! He can be reached at kweaver@network211.com

Springfield Cards Baseball, Rain & the Best Summer Ever -- Dr. Jennifer Baker

My dad was fond of saying, "Into every life a little rain must fall." Of course, we wish that rain had not fallen last Thursday evening right before the baseball game was supposed to begin.

Even so, we know dads and kids have lots of "stories to tell" about getting wet, loads of people, huddling under the sheltered areas, and hoping the rain would stop. You meet some of the most interesting folks at times like these.

Regardless of the rain and whether or not dads and kids decided to stay for a late game,they still enjoyed the t-shirts, food vouchers and baseball caps. We know some of them even received bobble heads. Good for you.

The Good Dads office is taking a little break from activity for a few weeks, but will soon be  on planning more fun activities for dads and kids in late summer and fall. The podcasts and weekly e-newsletter will continue, so keep listening and reading to learn about what's new and what's next.

Thanks again to all the dads and kids who joined us for Good Dads @ the Springfield Cardinals. And a special thanks to Rick's Automotive who helped make it all possible.

Dr. Jennifer Baker is the founder and director of Good Dads. She can be reached for question or comment at jennifer@gooddads.com.

The Best Summer Ever -- by Springfield Dad-in-Training, Jeff Sippy

It was the best summer ever. 

My father worked for the Boeing company.  It was hard, thankless work, but it paid okay and had pretty good vacation time.   

My Dad was a Good Dad.  Out of all the cool things Dad ever did was the annual summer one-on-one outing with each one of my brothers and sister and me.  Once a summer, Dad would take a different one of us on a one-on-one outing--just him and one of us.  When my Dad first started doing this with my older sister and older brother I could only think, “Next time will be my turn!” 

Dad left it up to us to decide what we wanted to do.  We could go hiking in the mountains, or go to the ocean, or trout fishing at one of the many rivers or lakes in Washington State.  

When I was about 10-years-old my turn in the rotation came up.  I chose to go  charter fishing for salmon at lwaco, WA, near the mouth of the Columbia, River.  Dad and I loaded up the 1967 GMC pickup truck and drove the three hours or so, made dinner on the Coleman stove, and went to bed early in the back of the truck. 

I didn’t sleep at all.  Dad had said we would be getting up at 4:00 a.m. to have breakfast and to get to the charter boat on time.  I laid there all night listening to my Dad snoring.  I was so excited--and afraid we might miss the alarm.  The night seemed to last forever.  When the alarm went off Dad asked if I was ready to get up, I blurted out, I “I was ready the minute we went to bed!”

I can’t remember how many fish we caught or if we caught any at all.  What I remember were those 24 hours alone with my Dad.  It was the best summer ever.    

I stole this page from my Dad’s “Good Dads Training Manual.”  Once a summer I take a different one of my boys one-on-one in one direction or another. It is getting harder to do as they get older; but we still try to do it.  My boys and I have been to hockey camp and camping, fishing on the Niangua, and sailing at night.  It doesn’t matter where we go so long as we go together. 

Here is my Don Sippy Good Dads Challenge to each of you:  Spend some time one-on-one with your boy or girl this summer.  Give them a 200 hundred mile radius and a dozen different things to choose from--from hiking, to camping, to fishing, to floating, to going to the zoo or museum, or some other cool thing they would like to do. 

One-on-one with Dad.  It will be the best summer ever.  

Jeff Sippy, a Dad-In-Training, is the father of three young men and the husband of Cindy. He enjoys sailing every chance that he gets. He is the senior pastor at Redeemer Lutheran in Springfield, MO and can be reached for question or comment at jsippy@rlcmail.org

Mom & Dad Working Together as Guardians and Gatekeepers

My wife and I have many things in common.  We were both school administrators. We were both teachers. She finished her PhD recently and if everything goes according to plan I will finish my PhD in the next 18 months.  We have almost identical formal training in child development and we are both pretty laid back when it comes to our parenting.  All that being said, if you ask either of us if we parent like the other we would both say we are very, very different.  That is a good thing.  A little story to illustrate my point.

I tend to overestimate what our children are capable of doing.  That is probably more wishful thinking than anything else, but I also tend only to consider the positive outcomes.  My motto is often, "What is the worst that could happen?" followed by the shrug emoji (¯\_(ツ)_/¯), while Sarah's motto is more often "What IS the worst thing that could happen" followed by the terrified emoji. 

A couple of years ago, when our twins were just learning to ride bikes, we went over to our local park to ride around on some trails.  At this park is a very large hill. I encouraged the boys to go ahead and ride down it, even though Sarah was not so sure they should because they were just getting comfortable on the bikes and could crash pretty hard.  Even though Sarah was apprehensive she didn't say anything. 

Long story short, both twins made it all the way down the hill without incident . . .THE FIRST TIME.  After getting comfortable, one of the twins, Jack, got a little less cautious and wiped out pretty hard.  Even though her natural instinct was to run over and help him up Sarah didn't. She looked to me to help him.  I ran over, helped him up, dusted him off, and put him back on the bike.  As anyone would be after a crash, he was tentative for the next couple of hours, but he was riding around.

Flash forward one week.  I come home late from class, and the boys were all super excited to tell me about the huge crash Jack had riding his bike earlier in the day.  As little (and big) boys often do, they had made a jump out of some lumber and were daring each other to go over it.  None of them were willing until Sarah came out and encouraged each of them to just go ahead and jump it.  Jack was the only one brave enough to do it and he crashed spectacularly. He was scrapped up and bloody, but after a few minutes he was totally consumed with telling the story of the crash, because it made him a hero in his brothers’ eyes.  He was so excited to tell me and show me his scrapped knees. 

Later that night, I asked Sarah what in the world she was thinking when she encouraged him to jump off a super sketchy ramp constructed by 6- and 8-year-old boys, and made up of loose lumber.  She admitted she thought it was a bad idea, but she said she knew I would say "What is the worst that could happen" (¯\_(ツ)_/¯)?”  I told her that since we didn't have to go to the hospital and we got a couple of good stories out of it, I guess it was the right call. Isn’t that what a “good dad” is supposed to say to a mother who recognizes the need for risk, even though her own tendency might be to protect her young? Personally, I’m glad there are two of us in this parenting arrangement. It’s helps to keep perspective for both of us and I’m sure our kids benefit.

A. Minor Baker is the father of four. He and his wife, Sarah, reside in Austin, TX where they do their best to keep up with the activities and antics of four children, 9 and under. He can be reached for question or comment at minorbaker@gmail.com.