The Dark and Other Great Stories -- Dr. Jennifer Baker

It's summer in the Midwest and it's hot. That's really not unusual, but sometimes parents run short of ideas to keep their kids happy and occupied, especially by the end of long, steamy days. It's easy to sit them in front of a screen of some sort, but I'd like to recommend you end your day with a good book or two. Even children who can read enjoy being read to, and summer is a great time to create memories by diving into new books. Imagine the excitement of reading a "thriller" by flashlight on the patio, deck or porch.

The Dark, written by Lemony Snicket, features Laszlo, a little boy who is afraid of the dark. Laszlo knows the dark lurks in any number of places in his house, but especially in the cellar. One night, after his nightlight goes out, Laszlo plucks up his nerve, takes his flashlight and heads to the cellar to meet the dark. You’ll have to get the book to find out what happens, but let’s just say that my four-year-old granddaughter was spell-bound as Laszlo inched down the steps toward the dark.

In fact, the look on her face was something akin to what you might see on an adult’s face in the midst of a mystery thriller movie. I won’t spoil the ending, but I am happy to say the book reached a satisfying conclusion. My granddaughters and I learned something about the thrill of a good book, while also getting some insight into the importance of facing our fears.

I wish more of us could read The Dark and other good children’s books. If we did, we might better remember what we once knew as children and have somehow forgotten as adults. Take, for example, the lesson of The Pout-Pout Fish by Deborah Diesen.

The pout-pout fish appears to have a problem with a bad attitude. He’s a glass-half-full kind of guy. Ever know anyone like that? Lots of folks try to cheer him up, but he continues to insist, “I’m a pout-pout fish with a pout-pout face. So I spread the dreary-wearies all over the place.” The grand-boys loved this book, and wanted me to read it over and over.

The book is fun. The words rhyme and the illustrations are terrific, but dealing with a pouty person on a regular basis is not. What do you do if you’ve got a “pout-pout fish” in your home or workplace who appears resistant to any and all efforts to bring a smile to his face? I can’t tell you, but the book will. The book even may help you if you are prone to being a pout-pout fish yourself. Check it out.

There’s a lot about adult life that is serious—very serious. The events headlined in the evening news remind us all too well of just how brief and tenuous life can be. With that in mind, how would you like to spend the precious time allotted to you? Do you want fear to be the focus of your days? Can you really change the future by worrying? Will a frown on your face change the outcome of a potential bad event? Probably not! None of us knows the length of our days, but when I come to the end of mine I hope I will have filled as many moments as possible with the joy of ordinary things—things like enjoying a good tickle.

The Tickle Monster, by Josie Bissett, gives you lots of ideas for tickling someone you love.

If we tickled more and fought less would the world be a better place? I think it probably would. It seems we all knew this as children. Perhaps if we read children’s books more often we would remember it as adults.

Dr. Jennifer Baker, the founder and director of Good Dads, is the wife of one, the mother of two the the grandmother of eight. She can be reached for question or comment at jennifer@gooddads.com.

Freedom Isn’t Free -- Springfield Dad, Kevin Weaver

July is not just the golden month of summer for most families. Golden in that it is the one month, nationwide, when most schools are guaranteed not to be in session… whatsoever. But, July is also “firecracker” month, the month we gather, cook out, and blow things up to the squealing delight of young and old, alike. The month we celebrate our nation’s freedom.

Although I did serve four years in the US Air Force in the early to mid 1980’s, by the time I met my wife and we started our family, I was in a completely different line of work.  However, early on my wife and I agreed that it was important for our boys, growing up in a country in which it would be so easy to casually enjoy so many freedoms, to somehow learn to understand and truly appreciate sacrifice. In particular, the sacrifices made by countless men, women, and family associated with our Armed Forces.

Regardless of what side of the political aisle people are from, most Americans seem to be on the same side when it comes to supporting our service men and women. Sadly, this has not always been the case, as a few of us are just old enough to remember the tragic treatment of soldiers coming home from Vietnam. But, in the past 20 years, remembering what it is to honor those who give so much – sometimes even giving all – appears to be trending.

From the time our sons could talk, we taught them to recognize service members, identify the various branches, and to always express their gratitude for the sacrifice of any patriot they might happen across. One of our sons was painfully shy and struggled even speaking to most of our extended family and close friends. But just like his brothers, he lit up when he saw a soldier, and would boldly express his thanks. Maybe he somehow knew, even at an early age, stepping out of a social comfort zone was nothing in comparison to a young man or woman willing to step into a combat zone.

As the boys hit their tweens, we began watching various war films and documentary series. These things always served as springboards to lengthy discussions regarding the things that lead to such conflicts, as well as the many brave current and historical figures that fight and have fought in them. In time, real-life heroes such as Captain Dick Winters from Easy Company replaced superheroes such as Batman from Gotham City. Oh, they were still very typical 21^st Century kids who argued with each other over whose turn it was to empty the garbage, but they were daily growing in their appreciation of those willing to be so unselfishly, incredibly uncomfortable for the rest of us to live in comfort.

Today, a small flag with two, blue stars hangs in a front window of our home. In the 1940’s, pretty much any American would have understood what that flag represented. But in 2017, a little past the 4^th of July holiday, many mistake it for festive décor that we merely forgot to take down. Regardless, the flag stays up. And we pray each day that the stars stay blue. Because those blue stars represent two-thirds of our offspring, now-grown men, who appreciated the sacrifices made for their freedoms to the point that they felt they could do nothing but be willing to make the same sacrifices. We didn’t push them to become Army officers, just as we didn’t push our oldest son to go into the same occupation that I currently am in. We didn’t paint pictures of war being glorious, we shutter at the thought of them being harmed or killed, and dislike not seeing any of them as much as we would like.

But, we are thankful that they understand the cost of freedom. And we are proud that they are willing to pay the price.

We celebrate the 4^th of July once a year, but may we daily appreciate our freedom.

The Importance of Granddads -- Springfield Grandfather, Mark Mildren

I have been a grandfather for five years now. I got a little later start than other grandfathers, but eventually my kids came through and now I have three grandchildren ages five, three, and 9 months –two boys and a girl. I hope that I can be as good of a granddad as mine were to me.                                             

One grandfather died just before I was born. His wife was my grandmother Susie. I didn’t spend a lot of time with her, so I never knew her well. But my grandparents on my mother’s side were wonderful! I knew they loved me and enjoyed spending every moment with me when we were together. They taught me many things: stories about my family’s history, having a sense of humor, the love of Missouri and the importance of grandparenting. One of the simplest pleasures they instilled in me is the love of just sitting on a porch watching the day go by.

               

On my two week visits every summer with them in Neosho, we would spend hours on their front porch in the evening. Two of us would be in the porch swing, and one would sit in a folding chair nearby. We watched the goings on of their neighborhood, and we talked. Conversation never lagged. My grandmother loved poetry and as a girl and college student, memorized numerous poems which she recited to me. One in particular, fascinated me: the Ballad of Little Orphan Annie. It was spell-binding and a little scary. When they both went to work in the morning and I was left alone, I would spend a considerable amount of time in their porch swing.

               

Eventually, they left their small home and moved into a high-rise senior living apartment. They didn’t have a porch, so they didn’t need the swing anymore, but I couldn’t let it go. I brought it home with me. When I built a small log cabin from scratch, I put the swing up and found a new, pleasurable use for it. To sit in the swing brought back precious memories for me with my grandparents, and a new reason to enjoy the view from the cabin porch of the surrounding woods.

               

At our former home in West Plains we had a front and a back porch. I utilized them both. Before going to work, I would take a cup of coffee and my devotional books and read them quietly on the back porch. The back porch was raised off the ground, and had an amazing tree that wrapped around the porch on two sides. It was like a tree house. The 20 minutes alone in spiritual preparation made my day go better.

               

Now I live in Springfield and am retired. I have a covered porch in the back of the house where I now like to spend quiet time. I still do my morning devotions with a cup of coffee in hand. I have a beautiful back yard where the trees and shrubs screen out the neighbors. I watch the birds come to the feeders and the birdbath. It is quiet and peaceful and I find I can sit there for long periods of time without any difficulty. When we have company we eventually end up on the back porch for some good conversation. I trace my love of sitting on porches back to my grandparents. I remember the hours I spent with them fondly. One of the reasons I loved them so much was because of the time they shared with me in just sitting and talking.

               

One of the major decisions my wife and I made when we retired is to spend more time with our family and the grandkids. Both of us are making a conscious decision to become the grandparents to our grandkids that our grandparents were to us. We want to be familiar faces to them. We want them to grow up loving us, as we love them. We freely make this choice knowing that doing so will broaden their family experience, connect them to their own family history, and help their mothers and fathers reinforce solid values of faith and morals. And who knows, maybe we’ll produce another generation of porch sitters!

Mark Mildren, retired Methodist minister, is the father of two and grandfather of three. He serves as the faith-community liaison for Good Dads and can be reached for question or comment at mark@gooddads.com.

Freedom Isn't Free -- Jeffrey Sippy, Dad in Training

Clayton Sippy -- Software Developer, O'Reilly Automotive, Springfield, MO

My dad was a Good Dad even if he seemed backwards and out of touch at times.  When I graduated from high school in 1978 my dad said, “Well, son, you will never sleep for free again.” 

These were shocking words to me. I was a guy who had been spoon fed most of his life.  It sounded like free was disappearing for me. 

My dad went on to explain.  “You can join the service, go to college, get an apartment, or pay room and board.”  All of these options were going to cost me something. 

I opted for the room and board.  It was a painful $75 a month but considerably less than my mortgage today.   

In truth, nothing is free.  An education is not free.  Service to your country is not free.  An apartment or house is not free.  Nothing is free.  And Freedom itself is not free, either. Freedom costs us all.  If we will not pay the cost of freedom then we will pay the higher cost of slavery to ourselves and to disappointment.  
    

Aaron Sippy, Project Engineer, United Rotary Brush, Lenexa, KS

Nothing is free; not even freedom itself.  Children who are not taught this will become greatly disadvantaged.  They will become self-centered and entitled children who grow up to be angry and hopeless.  They will blame others for the circumstances of life they cannot manage or negotiate.  They will talk about how unfair life is and how stupid others are.   

Sadly, self-centered and entitled children are the uneducated ones.  What appears to be unfair is nothing other than poor education and equipping.     

Life is not fair all the time.  This doesn’t mean it is bad.  It took my son six months to get his first job.  Is this fair?  It’s life.  In contrast, my dad was out of work a half a dozen times during my childhood – sometimes months at a time.  Both of them adjusted to their situation.    

     

True freedom costs everyone.  We all must sacrifice and give in to enjoy the freedom we desire.  Or we all become slaves.  One person’s freedom should never be at the expense of another person’s freedom. 

Jason Sippy, Project Engineer, Mastercraft, Springfield, MO

For freedom to prevail we must defeat the oppressive enemy of our own selfish and entitled ways.  We must surrender ourselves to the greater good of a free society.  One person’s freedom of speech does not give him the right to yell “fire” in a theatre or to call another person a racially or sexually charged insult or name.  The freedom of religion guarantees all people the freedom of religion whether someone else’s religion is the same as yours or not.        

It is not easy being a Good Dad and it is not easy teaching your children good things.  Freedom is not a matter of doing whatever you want, whenever you want.  Rather, freedom is the power and the courage to do what is right.   

Nothing in life is free – not even freedom itself.  And that’s o.k. 

Jeff Sippy, a Dad-In-Training, is the father of three young men and the husband of Cindy. He enjoys sailing every chance that he gets. He is the senior pastor at Redeemer Lutheran in Springfield, MO and can be reached for question or comment at jsippy@rlcmail.org

Family Vacations, Road Trips & the Best Summer Ever??

“I’m tired. Let’s go back to the hotel.”

“I’m thirsty. Can’t we have something to drink?”

“My feet hurt. Let’s find a place to sit down.”

We were experiencing what many view as the ultimate vacation, but everyone was miserable. How could we be in the midst of one of America’s most frequented family vacation spots and have everyone so unhappy? Had other families had dismal Disney World experiences, or were we the only ones?

The subject of family vacations stirs up mixed emotions in people. It is one thing to look forward to time away from work and routine responsibilities. It is quite another to negotiate and tolerate the tension that constant togetherness often inspires. Given the energy expenditure involved, as well as the financial commitment required, some might even wonder whether vacations are worth the effort. What makes a vacation worthwhile, anyway? Consider the following factors.

Perhaps the first thing to remember is that all family vacations do not require hours together in an automobile. Some of the best “vacations” may occur in the backyard or close to home. They allow uninterrupted family time apart from regular routine. When children are young, these briefer, less-expensive outings often provide the most enjoyable memories.

One family made a habit of taking picnic lunches to the park in a neighboring community. Their preschool children enjoyed the novelty of eating outdoors, as well as the adventure of using unfamiliar playground equipment. The parents enjoyed a relaxed meal without worries about spilled milk and food on the floor.

As children grow, and finances allow, longer vacations may be possible and more enjoyable. These need to be planned carefully and take into account the energy levels and interests of the whole family. Whatever you decide to do, remember that stress-relief is important for both children and parents. Consider the following guidelines when planning enjoyable time together with people you love, including children:

   -- Remind yourself and your child to slow down

·         -- Plan “media free times” to play games, read and talk with each other.

·         -- Create “quiet times” for yourself and other family members.

·         -- Plan some activities that involve the whole family and focus on process, not goals.

Some of my favorite memories involve lying on my back, looking up at the stars and talking to my brother and sister. It didn’t cost anything, but the memories are priceless. Make sure you create some time for these kind of experiences to occur, as well, for your children and yourself.

Dr. Jennifer Baker is the founder and Director of Good Dads. She is the wife of one, mother of two, grandmother of eight, and a licensed clinical psychologist at Lutheran Family & Children Services. She can be reached for comment at jennifer@gooddads.com

The Best Summer Memories Ever -- Springfield Dad, Kevin Weaver

Ah, summertime. It means so many things to so many people. To kids, it is that golden window of opportunity for freedom in an otherwise long year of pencils, books, and teachers’ dirty looks. But, to parents? It can be a mixed bag.

So much of our parental view of summer ties directly to our memories of those of our own childhoods. The summers of my Michigan boyhood harken back to a slower time, one in which I stayed with my maternal grandparents on their dairy farm, helping with the milking and as I aged, joining the hay harvest crew. We worked hard, but not without rewards. There were long swims in the pond at day’s end, followed by talking to my grandfather by the moonlight on his huge (or what at the time seemed to be huge) front porch. At some point in the summer, my family would load up the old motorhome and make the 18-hour drive to my other grandparents’ retirement village in Florida. For our moderate to good behavior while in a community with not much for kids to do, my siblings and I were always rewarded towards the end of the trip with a day at Walt Disney World. While I spent more time in a RV with a screaming, little sister and an annoying little brother -- not to mention playing shuffleboard with senior citizens -- then I did at the Magic Kingdom, the good memories always won out.

Fast-forward from my childhood summers to those of my own boys during their growing up years, and a lot had changed. Or so it seemed. They didn’t grow up on or near farms, and most often we lived in or near major cities, such as Seattle or Portland. Their summer jobs ranged from shining shoes at a tux shop to mowing lawns. “Rewards” seemed to be pricier and more difficult to plan for, as there was no way they could even ride their bikes to a public pool, like their mom did when she was a kid. Add to these things the fact that sports, music, club and church activities not only didn’t shut down for a couple of months each year, but in fact just expanded, and the idea of a “slow” summer was out the window. Oh, and did I mention the weird phenomenon of parent-shaming that has cropped up since the “Go ahead, kids, and roam the neighborhood all day” non-judgmental parenting times of my 1960s and 1970s upbringing? When did summer get so hard?

Today we're faced with memories of our own childhoods, overloaded schedules, high and often unrealistic expectations. My wife and I didn’t have the fortitude to deal with it all, so we made some decisions regarding summer, pretty early on in the parenting game. First, while we accepted the fact that our kids were growing up in a different day and age – some better things, some worse – we drew some lines in our figurative beach vacation sand. If one of our boys was good enough for the NBA, he would get there without non-stop summer basketball. If one of our boys was good enough for a career in music, he would get there without a month of band camp. Each boy could choose one week of some kind of camp, and as they grew older, were able to go on missions’ trips. Baseball was played, but traveling teams got squashed after one, grueling summer of dragging brothers all over the place to get sunburned while little brother collected dirt and grass stains on his white uniform. As they hit late junior high/early high school, they got jobs. It wasn’t anything like out of Upton Sinclair’s “The Jungle,” but the jobs rather gave them a chance to fine-tune their work ethics and earn their own money. The former gave them a sense of pride, while the latter gave them an opportunity to learn to value and manage properly.

And finally, as often as we could save to make happen, we made the trek to Disney World (or Land, if closer.) Oh, I promise you that more time was spent with brothers fighting while waiting in line than actually on the ride, yet the boys now somehow only remember the good.

Maybe, just maybe, my childhood summers and theirs weren’t so different after all.

Kevin Weaver, CEO of Network211 and father of three sons, lives with his wife KyAnne in Springfield, MO. He enjoys spending time with family, hunting and watching University of Kansas basketball with his boys! He can be reached at kweaver@network211.com

Springfield Cards Baseball, Rain & the Best Summer Ever -- Dr. Jennifer Baker

My dad was fond of saying, "Into every life a little rain must fall." Of course, we wish that rain had not fallen last Thursday evening right before the baseball game was supposed to begin.

Even so, we know dads and kids have lots of "stories to tell" about getting wet, loads of people, huddling under the sheltered areas, and hoping the rain would stop. You meet some of the most interesting folks at times like these.

Regardless of the rain and whether or not dads and kids decided to stay for a late game,they still enjoyed the t-shirts, food vouchers and baseball caps. We know some of them even received bobble heads. Good for you.

The Good Dads office is taking a little break from activity for a few weeks, but will soon be  on planning more fun activities for dads and kids in late summer and fall. The podcasts and weekly e-newsletter will continue, so keep listening and reading to learn about what's new and what's next.

Thanks again to all the dads and kids who joined us for Good Dads @ the Springfield Cardinals. And a special thanks to Rick's Automotive who helped make it all possible.

Dr. Jennifer Baker is the founder and director of Good Dads. She can be reached for question or comment at jennifer@gooddads.com.